waiting for snow

i am waiting, that is what i have been doing. minutes, hours and days slip through slowly, yet a feeling of things moving quickly are also being felt. I am waiting for snow to fall, there has been none in fact since i have moved to vermont and this being my second winter there has been no snow, the planet is changing it's layers putting on new clothing to adapt to the rising heat and i don't like it.

There is no sign of holiday's here in the house and i keep telling myself to go out there and forage and bring back some pine, but in a time when i  hope for new life- taking any kind of  life seems unkind and i can not seem to do it, in fact a huge grey birch tree fell inches from the coop and house and as i cut into it yesterday i was filled with sorrow, the hypocrisy i feel writing this down for i burn wood to heat my house daily, life a delicate entanglement of wants versus needs. There is a huge branch of evergreen that fell because of it, perhaps i will simply string that along in the house or on the barn doors. you must think i have no spirit, i have asked that myself to myself and the timing of the holidays is mixing in with something much more pressing in my life and i am consumed by it, yet i stay quiet and still not to fully grasp what is coming. as i write this i know i must go out there and get that piece of green, i must fill the house with good spirit for in turn it will fill me.

I did go for a beautiful walk this morning, hence the photographs above. warm rain and fog kept me company, i explored the pond, writers shack the walnut grove, apple orchard and then entered the forest. i love it here, in fact this just might be (is) my favorite place on earth and the happiness i feel here i have never felt elsewhere.

when the rain comes and your cup is spilling over ( happiness)

continued from here

the rain came as i sat there listening to the sounds around me and watching the three people i love the most laugh and giggle while they made parodies of me in their skits on our make shift stage. i laughed hard and somehow how it was as if the last of the sand in the hour glass that must have been me before the horse, the farm fell through. the page turned for good.  the fog came in and all at once k, elle and dylan said auntie you might want to take pictures.  even though rain still fell gently i gathered my things and asked if anyone wanted to go for a walk, everyone did and we headed out from our camp site down a dirt path and wooded stairs a canopy of towering trees drenched in rain surrounded us. this is  happy, i know it is.  i listened to everyone talk as they pointed to this and that as we walked. we arrived at the bridge over the river that we had spent our day swimming in,  the patina of the iron on the old bridge, the glistening wood from the rain fall,  filled my senses. we took pictures and walked some more to an abandoned house, a facade i had seen when we first drove in to the state park the day before. we took pictures of  what once must have been a beautiful farm house by the water and that hurricane irene tried to wash away last year, how beautiful was the sun setting through the windows. rain started coming down hard and everyone started heading back, but i lingered just a little longer, i counted the windows & green worn out shutters, some odd habit i picked up from childhood, like the amount of tiles on the floor or ceiling. i walked back behind the others completely drenched and content, for i was truly in the moment doing the very thing i needed & wanted to do.

the scent outside and in the house.

it is monday, another week of rain promised, i am not sure how i feel about that. I love the rain i kept saying to myself last week as rain fell from morning till night but slowly i felt burdened by it. as if i would not be able to catch up with all that had to be done. i stared at my cultivated piece of land, my empty flower bed while my mind never stopped thinking. finally sun came on saturday, i was up before it was and out before it fully found it's place in the sky. running to the hardware store, then the farmers market and library. once home i cut the grass that grows so fast, specially after all that rain, i made rows in the garden and chevron striped lettuce beds ( why not). i moved horse pasture and cleaned out the barn. Oh this is what life is supposed to be enough physical activity to silence the mind ( calm it).   finally lungs were wide open breathing in the purest air i could find, one smelling sweet of newly cut grass and then, a call came and just like that all the thoughts that began to quiet down fully erupted and came crashing down. life played itself as it had so often before making sure a piece of the pie was left for heartbreak. i wiped tears walked out underneath the trees where the dogs lay gave them big hugs and then i laid in the hammock under the birch trees staring high through delicate leaves to  blue, blue  sky as i slowly swayed from side i found my center. a few moments later my neighbor loulie came with a bouquet from her garden of forget me knots and lily of the valley, it was lovely. we sat underneath the lilac tree sipping freshly made hibiscus and orange peel ice tea as the sun began it's decent.  now i am here writing this down staring out at rain while the loveliest scent of lily permeates the room telling myself  i love the rain, i love the rain, i love the rain....

au revoir

 my dear readers as i tried to make my way into town on the dirt road,  my heart was captured by the beauty of an autumn morning as it found itself engulfed by fog.  as i walked along the road, i tried to notice every leaf and it's colour, every drop of dew and living thing , it all took my breath away. i was captivated by a web jewelled with drops of rain, how i wish i could gift such a thing to my mother, a necklace worthy of the loveliest of heroines. 

i will carry this magical morning to remind me of where i will return too as i make my way to France.  i am leaving in a few days to assist aran and stephanie in the loveliest of places Dordogne, i think it is going to be magical. then i will do what i have craved for so long, return to the streets of paris, where my feet will walk along old cobblestones, step into cafes, sit on park benches and  remember what once was, while making moments i will never forget. i will visit with family members i have never met in person and embrace all the goodness that comes from such an encounter.

 i will miss les animaux i am constantly telling myself that they will be okay(please be okay) because they are in good care. know that i will take you with me for i have never once saw something lovely that i did not whisper "dear readers can you see, i will show you". i will be away for a little while when i return there will be a big threshold to cross, but for now i will just say thank you for being so kind to me your comments i  treasure

au revoir et a bientot! (see you soon)

* the fog is so beautiful and magical here on the hill

where am i:)

     

Oh dear, it must seem like i have abandoned my post here. Please know i think of you and what you might be up to. It has been very busy here, heavy too but also good. I am going to share some of it  if you do  not mind.

there was k surgery(not fun)

k  recovery is good, and i got to spend the whole week with him.

there was sam my brother's terrible cold and driving to his  loft to make him apple sauce from scratch just like our  grandma used to make him

there was my  week long cold, fever and all( i  never get sick)

there was some bad news 

there was some good news that  is making a dreams come true

there was hanging with sheila and baby rowen and roger too

there was a day spent with catherine in connecticut, shopping for seeds at Comstock & ferrel and visiting historical places

there was spending the day at a storage unit, and donating so many things

there was finding treasure i forgot and seeing antiques i have missed

there was k taking my breath away- he is hot!

there was people from the past saying nice things

there was saying good bye to tess and hello to jane

there is a friend who published her book( bravo)

there was friends who share peeks into there projects

there was chasing ducks

muddy dogs

there was  my mum gifts of gleena pottery

there is chapped hands and lips

healthy animals

messy house

lots of eggs

foggy drive

rain

prayer for japan

sunny days.

*back soon

pics from my day in ct. and my daily dirt road drive.

when you meet gypsies on the dirt road!

our weekend. 

we had only seven dollars to spend having over extended ourselves that week, january, february never easy on a farm. I was not worried, for i had already planned for home made soups, hummus, apple crisp. we decided saturday morning to head to the cafe and blow it all:) on our way we drove down the dirt road, the sun was bright, yet it was bitterly cold. i was not feeling it since i had just spent the last two hours working hard doing chores.  as we drove down the dirt road i got my camera ready, incase a muscovy duck would be blocking the way or a tree branch would catch the sun just right but what i found instead was a herd of sheep.  i have to tell you i could not contain my excitement,  this was a dirt road after all and the farm was that way and where did they come from i wondered out loud.  i jumped out of the car( it was still moving) and just snapped away. they looked at me with the same questions i had just asked. they were studying me and i them- no that is not true i was admiring them, falling in love with them, specially him, do you see him. they were like a band of gypsies, ragged, dishevelled but so handsome. i was in heaven.  this was the biggest gift, i stood there wanting to speak to them, i swear they were so alive, they seemed so wise with stories to tell.  i watched them go then ran back into the car so giddy, saying "honey can you believe it, can you believe them, can you believe how lucky we are".

the rest of the weekend was full of photographic opportunities it seemed, peeking through the window i would see k, picking up the chickens, gathering eggs and i would yell out the window stand still i will be right there with my camera... and i was there in that moment.

twelfth night

yesterday morning i woke up to snow and it was lovely. mid afternoon a conversation that made my heart hurt took place. then the horses got there hooves trimmed by the happy farrier. A friend asked me if i would like to go to a play with her, perfect timing i say. We arrived at the theatre an old gorgeous church, in the car i had asked what would the play be about she said well i am not sure of the name, there is fire, singing and dancing. arriving at the large church doors i was so happy to find out it was twelfth night, i instantly became young again, giddy and excited. it was beautiful done and the costumes were the loveliest, the church was packed and the spirit was great. there were nuns in the audience an they laughed so loudly , it made me happy to hear. then friends of a friend invited us to their home for "hors d'hoevres" but what we found instead was full blown esquisite traditional holiday dinner, the kids table was so beautiful, it made you want to be a kid again until you saw the the grown up table decorated with twelfth night, holiday Crackers(poppers) and so on. It was so lovely there, as the fire roared and snow fell outside. each of us assigned a night, i the third night "three french hens" we sang all around the table adults and children a like. the best of times i had and too think it was all last minute. what a great way to end the holiday season( little christmas) and begin the quiet winter months.

 pictures from my day yesterday, unfortunately i did not have my camera last night.