when letters from readers remind you about the fog

i am sitting as a cool breeze brought in by pouring rain makes me put on the kettle, the fog comes in out and just like the emails in my inbox from you my readers, i am reminded what i have been missing. yes, as i mentioned i have embraced this summer more than previous ones, although how it is almost the middle of august i do not know. i mentioned emails and in the last few days i have received emails from readers who some have never commented but have been reading from the very beginning and in these letters they wrote how the photographs and words of la porte rouge are needed in their life, a sanctuary of sorts for the their soul and mind,  reading those words and now writing them here i have goosebumps for they are saying these things about something that has to do with me. yet what you do not know just like them i need it and when they talk about photographs of the hill, forest walks and the fog stirring them, i am reminded about how much these things stir in me, better yet how much they are part of what i need to exist. now i know that sounds dramatic but i assure you i had almost found myself on empty these past weeks, not because  summer has been miserable because like i stated above the contrary it has been full but feeling full can not replace the need for certain nutrients to feel healthy and at peace and for me those things mean the hill, it's landscape and the living things that like me inhabit this piece of land.

yesterday when in the middle of tears for some personal matter i received another one of these emails, as soon as i read it i knew what i had to do. i walked out to the forest, i stood among deep greens and trees that stood like protectors of what i treasure most. today waking up with a list of errands and things i wanted to do, my body shut me down and i found myself deeply under the weather. this was gift i recognized that and  i sat listening to the rain and watching the fog come in, i slipped into my boots went outside to feel the fogs soft mist turn into rain drops that fell upon me enough to help mend my aching bones. i walked to the garden and ate a few tomatoes and peas that had been washed by the mother nature herself, i held a butterfly with a broken wing and let her drink and eat the juice of a plum.

now i sit and my dinning table as a piano plays in the back round and the fog is coming in through the window, elle's twirling in it saying look auntie the fog is in the house, yes i say and whisper back in my soul too... and as all this, elle, fog, piano and the sound of the rain mixes and fills my senses i can feel my heart hurt in the way it lets you know you are living something special even magical.

so dear friends who share your thoughts and letters with me, i too need this in my life and i thank you for reminding me just like the the fog and rain has today.

stronger for it

i feel as if i start this letter to you with it is raining outside you might stop reading for i have said that often as of late but alas it is and right now as i look out a millions beads of rain stick to the window pane and in doing so it  creates the most beautiful light and although i would like to to speak more about that light, there is another kind of light i would like to speak off and that is the one that i feel inside (please forgive me if that sounds silly).  Yesterday and every time i read your comments, emails and letters i feel little beads of energy, inspiration and gratitude. those things combined help challenge me, push harder and trust my gut and when i do these things i feel lucky. lucky a word i have been using a lot in my life, specially lately. so even though i wrote just yesterday of heartache i also know how much stronger i feel after it.

Life brings us obstacles of course it does but in giving us those things that challenge, make us momentarily feel weak are also those things that help build braver guts, minds and hearts. I sit here typing these things and i look out into the living room, passed the crackling fire in the wood stove and i see cats & dogs lying about, i know if i was to get up my horses Tolstoy and Splash will be knee high in lush and very so delicious grass, chickens and ducks will be swimming and digging for any insects they could find and if i was to look in the mirror perhaps after all this i would not be as quick to look away but instead stare at the her i have become and the lines on her face and say but it was all worth it and I have no reason to need more than that.

so thank you for sharing with me bits of you, i am stronger you see because of it.

the scent outside and in the house.

it is monday, another week of rain promised, i am not sure how i feel about that. I love the rain i kept saying to myself last week as rain fell from morning till night but slowly i felt burdened by it. as if i would not be able to catch up with all that had to be done. i stared at my cultivated piece of land, my empty flower bed while my mind never stopped thinking. finally sun came on saturday, i was up before it was and out before it fully found it's place in the sky. running to the hardware store, then the farmers market and library. once home i cut the grass that grows so fast, specially after all that rain, i made rows in the garden and chevron striped lettuce beds ( why not). i moved horse pasture and cleaned out the barn. Oh this is what life is supposed to be enough physical activity to silence the mind ( calm it).   finally lungs were wide open breathing in the purest air i could find, one smelling sweet of newly cut grass and then, a call came and just like that all the thoughts that began to quiet down fully erupted and came crashing down. life played itself as it had so often before making sure a piece of the pie was left for heartbreak. i wiped tears walked out underneath the trees where the dogs lay gave them big hugs and then i laid in the hammock under the birch trees staring high through delicate leaves to  blue, blue  sky as i slowly swayed from side i found my center. a few moments later my neighbor loulie came with a bouquet from her garden of forget me knots and lily of the valley, it was lovely. we sat underneath the lilac tree sipping freshly made hibiscus and orange peel ice tea as the sun began it's decent.  now i am here writing this down staring out at rain while the loveliest scent of lily permeates the room telling myself  i love the rain, i love the rain, i love the rain....

when rain stops for a moment to see the blossoms

Dear friends, i did not think i would post today. rain has fallen all week long but a few moments ago it stopped and the cold air changed into a warm balmy one. i went outside to spray the horses against the bugs and as i walked in long grass and flowering weeds ( how quick fields grow) i spotted  the apple and pear trees blossoming. the big orchard will soon follow and this weekend between the opening of the brattleboro outdoor market, the nicest market to go to as you drive through the green mountains and the flowering trees, i suspect i will be taking many photographs to share. yet i find myself posting a few  i just took because it the best way i know how to wish you a happy weekend.

Oh although i have not spoken about this yet and hope too real soon on La Porte Rouge but last week the hill was busy with  the making of the video for Aran's book trailer  with the talented Ryan Marshall you can see some of my photographs along with hers here.

happy weekend dear readers

repeat the sound of joy

this morning a light snow fell and a thick fog settled peaceful on top of it.   later it began to rain and the tempature rose and by early afternoon the sun was brightly pushing away clouds and a rainbow hopped the hill tops.   i thought about this as i desperately searched for a christmas tree,  it seems that vermont did not cut enough but perhaps it is because i was breaking k and my tradition of picking up our tree on christmas eve as we have done for some many years now. so one can hope that tomorrow we will have a tree  and that the melted snow might come again.

so here i am on the hill with a roaring fire and a beautifully stacked pile of wood that i stacked last night under the stars, i love doing it i think i mentioned that before.  i thought about the morning and the changes from snow and fog to rain and sun- that has been my life too, a mixture of all kinds of things sometimes sad but most of the time beautiful.

Dear readers i wish you a happy holiday, every one has a different measurement for what that might be if it is big or small all i wish for you is too hold unto to it for as long as you can.

at the end of one of my favourite holiday movies( i might have watched it every night this week) well at the end of it one of the characters hums and repeats softly repeat the sound of joy, repeat the sound of joy... and for some reason yesterday those words fell deeply into my soul

let's  all repeat the sound of joy

with kindness & warmth

nadia

howling

i sit quietly at my dining table, rain is falling and hits the window pane by a fierce wind. early this morning i would have told you about how it was unusually mild and how the snow is disappearing but no, all is different now.  an early fire was needed to cut the chill in the air, slowly i am learning where the drafts are in this big house. i sit at the dining table where moments before in this very place i wrote about  my antique table at length, my most treasured possession. i have accidentally erase it, i guess it's story not ready to be told. the wind is howling,  drops of rain hit all sorts of things  different sounds could be heard all throughout the house.  i am waiting for the library to open, i am waiting for an answer on something big, i am waiting.  i am waiting for the wind to calm and for messages to land. this week i have been uneasy and even lazy, i do not like to be those things.  i have sat by the fire with books of all kinds, from hemingway,  george eliot, to gustave flaubert yet with impatience. i have let hours pass without anything to say or feel. did i tell you the wind is howling and the rain she is bitterly cold....

sunrise on fallen snow

the other night i went to bed knowing that i would wake to snow. eagerly i woke early morning

i got dressed ran outside and realized the sun had not even come out yet. i opened the door to the coop, filled water buckets and tossed hay to the horses who unbeknown to me  had gotten startled during the night perhaps ( a bear) or breaking tree limbs from heavy snow and pulled their fence down and were running wildly ( and beautifully across the fresh fallen snow).  when i looked out i could see that the sun was beginning to rise. to tell you that it was the prettiest sun rise to date would be an understatement. I took so many pictures more of one subject than i had ever before, i am sure hidden in a folder are better photographs than these but my eyes have become a blur to look through them.

i stayed out there for hours, partially because i had a horse fence to fix and Splash to chase who too  seem to love the sunrise. here is a part of what i wrote in my journal that morning.

watched the sunrise outside, pinks and peaches reached clouds and spread unto hill tops like kind wild fires. i am in awe, gosh it is powerful. what seemed like hours must have only taken minutes but it's 

effects on me will last my life time.

I would like do dedicate this post to my maman who will celebrate her birthday tomorrow, i wish i could be by her side in montreal. my mum would be outside by my side staring out at the sun rise if she was on the hill. she stared out her bedroom window at the magical fire flies on hot summer nights, we would stand out at sunset in the fall. bonne fete maman avec tout mon coeur