dust in the light

it is tuesday, i hope you forgive me for not posting more regualrly. as i write you the sun is shinning bright, the air cool but not overly cold. the calendar is a day away from march which took me by surprise this morning.  a winter storm is coming, at least that is what is promised and if you speak to a Vermonter they will say the worst storms have been in march. i do not mind it since talk like that always gets me excited for the possibility of snow shoeing something that this snow less winter has not allowed for. I am listening to the new leornard cohen cd as i type this, such a poet but his voice is one that takes me back to my past and lets me walk among the "what was once" for a while. the eggs have been gathered, the barn swept and lunch hay has been tossed to the horses. the ducks and chickens are sleeping in the forest among twigs and leaves, sophie and grace stand on guard.  I have been working on  myself both physically and mentally, i am trying my hand at raw foods once again but this time allowing myself some mindful prepared warm vegetables and tea when my body calls for it.

the first photograph in this series i was able to capture dust in the light. i looked at it for a long while. even dust can sparkle...... i want to thank you for always being kind and taking time to comment, they have filled me with pride yet i am always humbled by them.

the woods, a pond and the listening moon.

i had waited for k to come home, it had been two weeks. two weeks of being here on the hill on my own, two weeks of watching over everything. i thought for sure once he got home i would get in the car and go somewhere. what happened instead is i realized i did not want to be anywhere else but here, that what i really wanted is to share this space with him. saturday morning he ran errands, even then i wanted to stay back so off he went and i went to explore. a light dusting of snow had fallen but had already begun its melt. i went off into the woods, took photographs and looked into tree holes, mossy rocks and leaves gently covered in snow. k came back and joined me. later on we took a walk to our pond and back into the woods. how i love the woods.  back at the house i cleaned up the outdoors, treated the chickens and ducks to leafy greens and shared a snack with k. a few minutes later Joe the farmer arrived with a half a cord of wood.  this made me happy for two reasons, knowing we will not run out, since i heat the house with it and the fact that i would end the evening stacking wood underneath the moon and a star filled night sky. a weekend that is balanced with things that must be done and things we want to do in the company of people we love. that night as i lay in bed i stared up through the skylight at the moon, she was lovely, i told her things and asked her for a few things, she graciously listened till my eyes grew heavy and closed.

when having no choice is a good thing

yesterday after a visit from the neighbour the sun began to set, i knew i had a long list of chores to do most important was filling the horses troth. I grabbed  the hose that was thawing inside and made my way down the stairs when my foot got caught, i fell and i fell hard, taring my clothes and knowing that this was a big. I allowed myself one minute to yell ouch( not exactly what i said) and another to cry. then knowing that i had so much to do and if i was to stop the pain would be unbearable. i continued with my chores pushing through the pain. when i was done i entered the house, put another log in the fire and proceeded to fall a sleep for a few minutes, those who read me regular;y know i never nap so i realized it was my bodies way to deal with the pain. Both my elbow and shoulder ached and my arm felt as if was hanging. i rested as best as i could, the night was a sleepless one. 

morning came i knew that i had damaged my arm pretty good, i researched on the net how to tell if an elbow was broken, making sure it was not, it was not broken. I found a sling in the first aid kit and proceeded( tying a knot with one hand is challenging) then put my muck boots minus a coat or sweater( impossible to lift arm), grabbed my wool hat and did my morning chores, the most satisfying thing was knowing i could do it, perhaps not perfectly but as you know perfect means  to finish in latin and that is what i did. is it okay to say i felt proud that i could do it.  then i grabbed my camera, another challenge but having worked on very long shoots before i knew how to give my right hand a break and took myself on a walk through the woods, it was beautiful the sun poked through branches as i explored. I am already feeling much better.

now i will bake bread for the week and make stuffed peppers for dinner , the house will surely smell delicious.

 my stuffed peppers recipe

short grain brown rice

red wehani rice

buhtaneses red,

red quinoa

walnuts

dried bing cherries

scallions

parsley

thyme

olive oil

pink salt

i wing the amounts depending on how many peppers and size.

( you can use any kind of rice)

add some of the parsley and scallions. salt and thyme.

stuff peppers, drizzle oil. you can add some apple juice for more moisture( or broth)

i like to add fresh parley and scallions when i take it out of the oven and enjoy!

* k is way for super bowl weekend( for those who might wonder why he was not here)

* the most difficult thing to do with my left hand is wash my face, putt a log in the fire and typing  this post-but i am glad for the practice:)!

what would you say

this past weekend it was if spring announced it is arrival and although there is thin layer of snow as i type this from a cafe i am beginning to wonder if spring is possible so soon.  k, the dogs and i went for a walk at a conservancy on saturday the weather was incredibly beautiful, sweater and hats were soon wrapped around our waist and stuffed in our pockets.  i have this goal to see an owl, so we looked at trees with holes that made for great nesting spots so that we could return at dusk in hopes to catch a view of them. the weekend was a mix cleaning all the animals areas, baking bread, reading quietly the lovely new kinfolk magazine, watching movies and going to the theatre. at home we watched "another earth" i liked it, maybe it was the farm house and it's furnishings, maybe it was how beautiful it would be to see a planet from my window or the loveliness of the actress. in the movie a questions was asked. " what would you say to yourself if you met you on another planet" immediately thought 'it is not your fault" then later letting the question linger in my thoughts  i would say to her, me, live .

what would you say to yourself?

the elements and the dance

last night the snow fell gently and fog travelled up the hill and than later as my head made it to the pillow i could hear the rain begin to fall. this morning the fog was so thick and the rain drops so loud i found myself trading in the radio for the sound of rain instead. I started to think about the weather on the hill, today expecting temperature to rise into fifties, i realize that there is a competition out there. every element trying to show what it is capable off, the ideal vermont winter is letting others take a turn. I thought about how there is subtle competition here inside as well, you see every living thing here from cats to dogs to horses and ducks they all need there time. i find myself spending time with each one throughout the day. a small dance i do to keep things balanced. there is not one day i do not  say I love you at least a dozen times. now back to the weather it is easy to wish for what we do not have, i loving the snow more than anything am surprised and how i am okay with whatever comes up the hill and i am also beginning to realize that dance i do is because maybe the living things are taking care of me.

*I would like to thank you dear readers for the comments on my last post, i have read them over and over, i am sad that we all have similar stories and hope that somehow we will one day understand the purpose behind it.

* yes i added more pics since this morning the fog made me do it, it was too lovely not to take a longer walk

a lot of someones.....

rain came followed by warm weather and now the snow has gone. it is later into the night i am sitting by the fire. i had not planned to post and even now i am searching for words.  perhaps i can mention the two coyotes that have been spending their days here, one is a beautiful red almost like a fox, the other has grey spots and half a tale without fur. i started looking at them through binoculars but now they are so close  to the house that just today i had to scare them. can i confide in you, i have watched them so much that i feel as if they are part of the farm- which is not good for a place with chickens and ducks. i wonder how to shut it off the thing in my heart that falls in love with all things, the one that wants to take care of them. these last few days my heart and mind has been on other things, things i just can't get use to. no matter how many times i tell myself to get over it, i just do not understand how i have been chosen not to be a mother. ( i know heavy right?) so sorry i will get over it or used to it one day. i just needed to tell  someone a lot of someones.....

.... and the trees that glisten in the sun

saturday early morning after gathering a few of my favourite pieces from my wardrobe and putting them in my back pack. after attempting to put makeup on for my maman " you really do need to start taking care of yourself", tinted moisturizer that ended up in my eye, causing me a silly amount of pain- i am so bad at these things. i put my boots on and headed to my rental car, i was going  home to montreal for  much needed city and family time. my car never made up the hill, a light dusting of snow was enough to paralyse this fancy rental. i had said  no to the  massive truck they wanted to give me. the cars tires slid, snow still fell and after a good two hours i gave up. my weekend came crashing in and my spirits where low, very low. all of Saturday i pretty much stayed the same. 

This morning i woke to the brightest sun, ran down the stairs as if i had known magic was at the door. i put my boots on and with sophie by my side i went outside. I fed and did chores, the sun barely out highlighted the glistening trees, millions of snowflakes turned into diamonds overnight. trees felt as if they had turned to glass. i had not planned on it but found myself walking, walking and walking. the cold hit my cheeks with a welcomed freshness. i walked and explored the animal tracks that were left behind, i watched birds eat the remaining sumac and looked out at  leftover golden rod dancing under the sun's glistening rays.  everything is right again,  nature and the farm suit me more than makeup ever did. i came back to find k. gathering eggs and sipping from his favourite mug from yellowstone, he too was looking out towards the hills.

i love it here and the silent of winter speaks to me with the most beautiful sound.