snow, maybe

this morning when i raised myself from my bed i looked out the window, after an incredibly windy night a thin layer of snow had fallen barely covering the grass. Living here on the hill, knowing that last year's 'snow broke many records, i was beginning to wonder if last years snow accidentally stole this years fall. once i knew all the animals were well fed, i grabbed my camera, knowing that the warm temperature would soon take the very little we have. i walked a short distance into the forest when it began to rain. i took a few shots here and there but then i got distracted by green moss on tree trunks and from there i started noticing all the different texture of every tree, everyone wearing it's own distinctive design.  i came in to post photographs and when i looked out a few minutes ago  a full blown snow storm was on it's way which makes me very happy ( tiny nervous when you live alone in place so secluded from anyone else) but mostly excited to know that there is chance that by this afternoon i could dust of my snow shoes, take my camera and just maybe capture some real winter photographs. 

so now i will leave you with my view as i sit here at the dining table; there is the tiniest of snowflakes falling by the millions, big thick clouds feel as is they can replace the ceiling of my house and yours, somewhere in between layers of white cotton like clouds there is the sun who seems to be promising a visit. wait has the snow stopped, no not exactly. the snow flakes  are bigger now and you feel as if you might be able to count them, you stare at the basket holding your snow shoes and say maybe another time. the sun makes it through the sky's cotton fields.  you pick up madame bovary and curl up on the chaise with your feet tucked under a folded blanket and open up where you left of determined to get lost in it's pages, determined to make it to the back cover today, at least that is what you promise yourself.

thanks to tj of humble origins for giving me this link i can make snow flakes all day! - you should try it!

* new header taken in my old studio with my red piano( i  miss it)

thin layer of envy

 

a  light dusting of snow fell yesterday. as i sat sipping tea and staring out at gentle flakes

i started to think about my last post, more precisely your comments- thank you for them of course

but there was something that worried me, you see if i was going to be totally honest i would tell you that the last few month while visiting certain blogs a seed of envy or jealousy or comparison started forming, never did these things happen to me before. I would not want anyone to feel that way visiting my blog. i feel as if i do a good job and balancing the good and bad here on the blog. my last post made it seem as i got out of the gate of 2012 with a bang and that is not true, in fact i think for the first time ever in my life i wore my pjs for a whole day ( it is true k. the whole day) a slow start you see. yes of course some good things are coming and some good things i will work had in making happen but my life is far from total bliss but full of bliss just the same. yesterday after spending most of the day on the computer talking about the upcoming announcement( that is not all mine) i went outside to feed the horses, as i poured grain into their buckets, my feet in muck boots that for three years i could not afford but needed and finally gifted to me by my mother,  i stood on a thin layer of snow under the starry night sky singing to splash while he gave me big kisses, i felt like the luckiest girl in the world- it is these tiny moments that make everything sound like bliss here on la porte rouge. you see it is the accumulation of small moments but pure ones that make my life what it is.

these are the things that i need to hold unto while being a spectator to all the big things that are happening to others.

repeat the sound of joy

this morning a light snow fell and a thick fog settled peaceful on top of it.   later it began to rain and the tempature rose and by early afternoon the sun was brightly pushing away clouds and a rainbow hopped the hill tops.   i thought about this as i desperately searched for a christmas tree,  it seems that vermont did not cut enough but perhaps it is because i was breaking k and my tradition of picking up our tree on christmas eve as we have done for some many years now. so one can hope that tomorrow we will have a tree  and that the melted snow might come again.

so here i am on the hill with a roaring fire and a beautifully stacked pile of wood that i stacked last night under the stars, i love doing it i think i mentioned that before.  i thought about the morning and the changes from snow and fog to rain and sun- that has been my life too, a mixture of all kinds of things sometimes sad but most of the time beautiful.

Dear readers i wish you a happy holiday, every one has a different measurement for what that might be if it is big or small all i wish for you is too hold unto to it for as long as you can.

at the end of one of my favourite holiday movies( i might have watched it every night this week) well at the end of it one of the characters hums and repeats softly repeat the sound of joy, repeat the sound of joy... and for some reason yesterday those words fell deeply into my soul

let's  all repeat the sound of joy

with kindness & warmth

nadia

sunrise on fallen snow

the other night i went to bed knowing that i would wake to snow. eagerly i woke early morning

i got dressed ran outside and realized the sun had not even come out yet. i opened the door to the coop, filled water buckets and tossed hay to the horses who unbeknown to me  had gotten startled during the night perhaps ( a bear) or breaking tree limbs from heavy snow and pulled their fence down and were running wildly ( and beautifully across the fresh fallen snow).  when i looked out i could see that the sun was beginning to rise. to tell you that it was the prettiest sun rise to date would be an understatement. I took so many pictures more of one subject than i had ever before, i am sure hidden in a folder are better photographs than these but my eyes have become a blur to look through them.

i stayed out there for hours, partially because i had a horse fence to fix and Splash to chase who too  seem to love the sunrise. here is a part of what i wrote in my journal that morning.

watched the sunrise outside, pinks and peaches reached clouds and spread unto hill tops like kind wild fires. i am in awe, gosh it is powerful. what seemed like hours must have only taken minutes but it's 

effects on me will last my life time.

I would like do dedicate this post to my maman who will celebrate her birthday tomorrow, i wish i could be by her side in montreal. my mum would be outside by my side staring out at the sun rise if she was on the hill. she stared out her bedroom window at the magical fire flies on hot summer nights, we would stand out at sunset in the fall. bonne fete maman avec tout mon coeur

the snow and my dear sophie.

for some of you this might not be a welcomed post and in away i felt like that about the snow too. it came to early, twice within days. we are home and finally we are breathing, a few nights ago i was hoping i would stop, that i would not take another breath. My dear sophie (my big white dog) got instantly ill and i had to rush her to er were she had to have life or death surgery. i  cried so many tears my eyes ran dry, my head pretty near exploding. i was not going to loose one more anything, i am not good at these things, i am not made of the materials needed to cope.  yet i know now i know my animals and the most subtle change in behaviour a motherly instinct kicks in. sophie is on the mend, and home, the road ahead not easy, yet already better. i think the snow came to calm us down, even in away a vital component to saving sophies life.  I will like to thank my neighbour debbie for being there to drive sophie and i to ny, staying with me till wee hours of the morning, k for coming as soon as he possibly could, the vets all of them for saving her.

 it is a beautiful sunny sunday, white snow everywhere. standing outside under the warm sun feels like a friend's arm around my shoulder. the house feels so different in the snow, a warm bright light comes in and lifts all our spirits.

when you get lost in the forest and learn something about yourself

sunday k and i decided to go snow shoeing. as you know we live on fifty acres but in the middle of hundred thousand acres of state forest, trails right from our backyard. it was a beautiful mild sunny day as we headed out, we had planned to take the short trail, the one i ride the horses around. what we did not plan for is that all the trails would be non existent, buried in at least three feet of snow and heavy branches that have fallen on most of the paths. we kept going, ducking under trees, climbing hills.  taking lefts and rights and going straight till we clearly understood we had somehow got en ourselves lost. i head shed my hat, gloves and fleece by this point and feeling  silly that we did not bring any direction device such as a compass or gps. the problem with k and i is, none of us simply would say "well lets retrace out steps", in life i as much as possible never go down the same street twice and when k and i hike the mountains out west we nearly never double back since we both like discovering and seeing  a new place.

...so we kept going, somewhere between the quiet panic and the fact i was ready to shed every piece of clothing i had( the days prior  having had a fever) i simply was able to calm down and think straight. as we started to go down and deep incline, logic set in and i realized that if we are headed down deep someway and at one point or  an other we would be heading towards town. I was proud of my sense of direction, since i am terrible at reading maps, i knew we would be all right and started to enjoy the sunny sky and the gorgeous winter forest. i love how my gut instinct kicked in, if you are wondering about k and his sense of direction lets just say he can read a map like no ones business but instincts, well i am pretty sure we would be one with the trees by now:)!

and the snow fell quietly

the snow has been falling for hours now. every inch of the farm covered as if it requested a fresh start. i have taken hundreds of photographs already trying to capture the quiet  of a winter snow fall. the birds are out by the hundreds eating what i have put out. a large bird of prey came down trying to scoop one of them for lunch, i stopped him then ran for my camera. it is so white out there and in here white linens are occupying the washer, all slip covers will be washed today and it will take all day. i love that in here is a parallel of what is out there. i must confess there is a part of me that wants to dust the snow of my car and drive to  the cafe with a book,  sit by a window and sip for hours. i am thinking of vermont when i lived there and how many times i did that, thinking of k. and  how we stumbled upon a cafe in the dead of winter and we sat there four hours sipping tea, playing chess....

new (ear)

today is the last day of two thousand ten. I have many things to grateful for, many. i also feel as if the year has flown by but at the same time dragged because i stood still, i must confess that this year my personal growth, achievements and travel were minimal and i find myself disappointed in me. I have no regrets for the most part and when i think of splash my new horse and companion to tolstoy i am grateful for two thousand and ten, when i think about my ducks and chickens i am grateful for two thousand and ten, when i think about the time spent with elle & dylan i am grateful for two thousand ten and many other reason to be.

i like the sound of two thousand and eleven, i do and this year will be  HUGE.

I want to be a mama

i want to be healthy and yes thin even though saying so is somewhat not politically correct.

i want to  do less of the things that make me unhappy and more of the things that bring happiness

i want to read more, be a better friend, attend more plays and operas. i want to ride more, write more

sleep more. simply more of the good things. I want to say yes to more clients, want to take longer walks sans camera. i want to be a better aunt, daughter, sister and wife.  I have never believed in new years resolution by date but  i can not wait and welcome the gift of a clean slate!

when i was a little girl  i watched my mother get ready along with my father for a new years eve party. my mother looking so beautiful, i  remember being  in awe of my parents all dressed up.at the door as they were leaving they said "I will see you next year "what"i said they said "tomorrow we will have a new year" what i heard is "tomorrow you will have a new ear" i cried and cried " but why mama, why do i need a new ear?:)

happy new year my friends.

do re mi!

the snow is falling, blowing hard. we are waiting to know that my family has made it safe to providence from montreal, but my hopes of seeing them tonight  is made impossible do to the storm so dear brother i think you are going a giant sleep over so get ready!. i have wanted the snow, it is here there is no doubt about that. I am trying not worry, so we are keeping busy, wrapping some more presents, cleaning house and now watching the sound of music that happens to be playing on the tele. 

these pictures are form earlier in the day when we tried to beat the storm on our way back from the cafe and grocery store. i love this dirt road as you know and getting to enjoy each season on it is special. we have lots of cardinals,  they love to hang around the ducks this little guy found shelter among the rocks of our stone walls. 

as you know, i love the snow and as soon as my family is safe i will play and play in it just like the horses did today, they had a ball galloping, rolling  and running! now i must let you go because as you know the first three notes happen to be Do re mi........doe a deer a female deer, 

ray a drop of golden sun....... me a name i call my self....

far along way to run

sew a needle pulling thread..........

wishing for snow and a thank you

I have been craving the snow, i wanted it to fall after the coop was finished and now i just want it to fall. i am from canada and even though i have been here in the united states for a long time now i do not think i will ever get used a christmas without snow. as if all the christmas colours were made to contrast the snow white and without it i am a tad confused and behind in the holiday spirit. I promise myself that this weekend i will work really hard to make this home one that is worthy of celebration and family.

I would also like to thank you dear readers for all the beautiful comments you guys made me blush times  a million, i am still unclear why i did that but i know i desperately want to feel those things you so kindly bestowed on me. I also would like to thank you for the comments left about the duck i wish i had named it, i wished for all of things to have been a little different.

so let's start( okay perhaps you all have started) but i am ready to open the holidays by decorating, baking and making but first feed the horses and early dentist appointment for a broken tooth( i know crazy, i am a teeth clencher of the worse kind).