stronger for it

i feel as if i start this letter to you with it is raining outside you might stop reading for i have said that often as of late but alas it is and right now as i look out a millions beads of rain stick to the window pane and in doing so it  creates the most beautiful light and although i would like to to speak more about that light, there is another kind of light i would like to speak off and that is the one that i feel inside (please forgive me if that sounds silly).  Yesterday and every time i read your comments, emails and letters i feel little beads of energy, inspiration and gratitude. those things combined help challenge me, push harder and trust my gut and when i do these things i feel lucky. lucky a word i have been using a lot in my life, specially lately. so even though i wrote just yesterday of heartache i also know how much stronger i feel after it.

Life brings us obstacles of course it does but in giving us those things that challenge, make us momentarily feel weak are also those things that help build braver guts, minds and hearts. I sit here typing these things and i look out into the living room, passed the crackling fire in the wood stove and i see cats & dogs lying about, i know if i was to get up my horses Tolstoy and Splash will be knee high in lush and very so delicious grass, chickens and ducks will be swimming and digging for any insects they could find and if i was to look in the mirror perhaps after all this i would not be as quick to look away but instead stare at the her i have become and the lines on her face and say but it was all worth it and I have no reason to need more than that.

so thank you for sharing with me bits of you, i am stronger you see because of it.

taking a time

dear friends, i am hoping you had a lovely weekend. I spent mine in montreal and i had a good time.
I am on the hill and a cold air brought some snow flakes, nothing will land but it is odd by tonight it will be seventy degrees colder than just a few days ago. I am very okay with that since, i always felt  like i could use a little more winter.

I am going to have to take time away from the blog. I have a few personal matters that need attention, yet my biggest reason is the fact that i simply have spent to much time on the machine as of late. I have wanted to sit with a pen and paper and finish letters to send with packages for to long now that i must make it a priority. i have been thinking a lot and many of these thoughts are brand new and others were of the me i had forgotten about, both those things have made me happy and hopeful. i also came across this short video on vibeke beautiful blog and found myself in tears, it made me want to understand the reason why i reacted to it so powerfully. some wonderful acts of kindness have been happening to me as well and i found myself feeling anxious  what is it in me that deserves this and what in me feels like i dont. so you see lots of thinking.

also do you remember that fall i took a few months ago were i made myself my own sling to hold my elbow, well it turns out that i did damage it pretty bad and i need to have it fixed. being here on the farm trying to do the things i need to do with one arm was not an option but now i realize that i might have made a mistake in waiting so i am hoping to do all  the things require two arms in the few days before heading to dr. to have it taken care of.

i have done a lot of driving in the last few weeks and just in the last thirty six hours. i like being in the car
and call it my think tank and i am glad that i had some space away form internet, telephone and other machine distractions that i just want to take a little more time. i started to think where do people get their alone time. i never see anyone walking without looking down at their phone, or dinning without it, it seems like we have forgot to be comfortable with silence, i was guilty with that these past weeks( i have no cell phone-i know shocking) but i very much was  connected to the internet, perhaps not having my camera made me more depended on the net or simply i had forgotten how beautiful it was to be alone with my own thoughts.

see you around the first week of april and please know how grateful i am that you visit me.

la brume

dearest friends i have been thinking of you guys, i have not asked in a while how are you?

are you feeling pressure or diving into the season. i am torn from the want to skip over the holidays and wanting to pour myself into it. the fog on the hill has returned and i am glad, he has become  a familiar friend, a calmer of sorts. my camera sometimes she pushes herself and gives me a few shots here and there, i am not ready to leave her or let her leave me although i must confess to wishing for a companion camera for her and me. i have this tiny dream that a few of  you would  come spend some winter days with me. we would sit by the fire, make soups and inspire, maybe read books out loud have an impromptu dance party and perhaps walk through the forest, sled down the hill and snap some shots here and there. i must run now, meeting a friends for some real coffee in a different state, did i tell you there is no good coffee in vermont they try though atleast they try.