january and a winters walk.

 I have just returned from snowshoeing in the woods behind the house. the snow is so beautiful and the sun warm. there is so many animals tracks in the woods, deer, coyote, bunny and birds. it so quiet when you walk on snow through the forest, even a stillness and calm that i desperately was seeking yesterday one of the biggest days of my life,  i often romanticize how things should go, in fact i can romanticize most anything like i often do about mucking stalls.

I am sitting by the fire now, a wool blanket covers my legs and a warm cup of tea sits next to my knitting yarn. the horses are loving todays weather, i think all of us are since yesterday the temperature fell to minus nine.

this weekend will include a trip to the city, a film, farmers market, more snowshoeing, knitting and cooking. I am looking forward to it, since i am at the gate of so much work to be done, shoots to plan, workshops to announce, houseguest to welcome, airline tickets to purchase, house to paint and so on. may you all have a good weekend, i just love january so very much.

winter's day and wishes.

i am sitting at the kitchen table, sun shines through enough to warm me where i sit. the fire is burning, the smell of pine is all about the house. On the stove top tea kettle begins it's boil and potatoes with garlic from the garden are in the cast iron skillet a craving on this christmas eve morning.

I am filled, i think my cup runneth over with good people, dear ones,  the life changing kind, that has not happened before. I am reserved in away, a solitary creature, i have walls so high, i started building them at the age of five. Yet this morning i can not help but to reflect on the kindness and meaningful exchanges that have taken place this year. I want to name those people here, i do, i want to share with everyone my gratitude for true friendships yet i also know that i must pen my thoughts and seal them in the envelop and send them to be carried my post men so that they can be read when the time is right.  I also feel lucky for all the exchanges here on the blog, all the friendships that grew and the kind insights that have been given, thank you dear readers.

the sun is bright and it is as a winter day should be. Wishing you happiness and if you find yourself solitary yet wanting to not be, there is place for you here always.

This song i am still finding traces of myself in it as i did here.

with kindness,

nadia.

evergreen

this morning the alarm went off upstairs as i was already walking about downstairs. the kettle whistled as the sun began to pierce through the sky, fog and warm air crept up the hill. there would be a morning ride through the green mountains, a ritual for the soul that seeks to see more.  wet thick snow
quickly melting, fog so solid that slowing down is a must.  I looked out at all this,  more than everything else it was the evergreens that held my attention. i love them most of all against winter's backdrop,  as i say this the smell that comes from camping underneath them on hot summer day is equally pleasant to remember.

 Yesterday was one of those days that you stay in your wool socks and comfy clothes, that you listen to only things that make you feel safe and talk about only kind things, or maybe hardly talk at all. yesterday tears fell randomly all through out the day but more like burst of sun showers than ones that stem from sad things, i am happy, i am dizzy, i am learning and i am so grateful for your kind comments and emails.

....as i made it through the beautiful mountain landscape that i call home, i sat in a cafe and sipped  a beautiful prepared mocha and played the best chess game ever. then i drove back towards the hill as the sky, the delicate sun and fog made the whole journey feel as if i was looking through rose coloured glasses,  the truth is i often do even on those dark days.

awoken

i decided i want to remember it the way it was when we were in it,  not how our over thinking minds and rationalization made them out to be. i guess what i am saying is that i do not feel the same but i am okay with not saying, me too anymore. i am putting away the armor now and i will greet you or him or them without it with the risk of being broken but also the possibility of being woken:)

*shots taken with iphone

dust in the light

it is tuesday, i hope you forgive me for not posting more regualrly. as i write you the sun is shinning bright, the air cool but not overly cold. the calendar is a day away from march which took me by surprise this morning.  a winter storm is coming, at least that is what is promised and if you speak to a Vermonter they will say the worst storms have been in march. i do not mind it since talk like that always gets me excited for the possibility of snow shoeing something that this snow less winter has not allowed for. I am listening to the new leornard cohen cd as i type this, such a poet but his voice is one that takes me back to my past and lets me walk among the "what was once" for a while. the eggs have been gathered, the barn swept and lunch hay has been tossed to the horses. the ducks and chickens are sleeping in the forest among twigs and leaves, sophie and grace stand on guard.  I have been working on  myself both physically and mentally, i am trying my hand at raw foods once again but this time allowing myself some mindful prepared warm vegetables and tea when my body calls for it.

the first photograph in this series i was able to capture dust in the light. i looked at it for a long while. even dust can sparkle...... i want to thank you for always being kind and taking time to comment, they have filled me with pride yet i am always humbled by them.

a lot of someones.....

rain came followed by warm weather and now the snow has gone. it is later into the night i am sitting by the fire. i had not planned to post and even now i am searching for words.  perhaps i can mention the two coyotes that have been spending their days here, one is a beautiful red almost like a fox, the other has grey spots and half a tale without fur. i started looking at them through binoculars but now they are so close  to the house that just today i had to scare them. can i confide in you, i have watched them so much that i feel as if they are part of the farm- which is not good for a place with chickens and ducks. i wonder how to shut it off the thing in my heart that falls in love with all things, the one that wants to take care of them. these last few days my heart and mind has been on other things, things i just can't get use to. no matter how many times i tell myself to get over it, i just do not understand how i have been chosen not to be a mother. ( i know heavy right?) so sorry i will get over it or used to it one day. i just needed to tell  someone a lot of someones.....

winter through tinted glass

winter fell upon me suddenly as i drove to retrieve my love from another state. the snow fell and everything seemed quiet out there as if the volume of the outdoors had been shut off. inside the car

Bon Iver played taking turns with people struggles from foreign lands on npr and other times my own thoughts drowned out the noise from my mediocre speakers. my hands went from tight fists to relaxed lady like movements, my camera sat in the passenger seat  and she saw what i was seeing, winter through a tinted windshield.

room at the inn

i have just come back from running errands, roads are a mess. another storm is coming.

i am tucked in the house now, the sweet sound of violin plays from the radio. the smell of curry

perfumes the house as the soup cooks on the stove top. i am dreaming of a different kind of happiness, i have confused you with this line i am sure. i can not put a finger to it, or find the right words to tell you how much i wish for children. I am working at it, we are, oh that  might sound funny, does it? it as if i am preparing for two scenarios so different from one and another, one as mother and the other as the world traveller i used to know.

i think i shall take a few small trips in the next few months, where shall i go, do you have room at the inn for me.....

the snow in me

it has been snowing for a while now, they say big storm is coming. the flakes have been so large and soft. i love it very much, and i know i have said that a lot. i am not sure what it is, here on the farm with rolling pastures, stone walls it easy to know why, but i have always been like that. i think it reminds me of me, when i lived at home, montreal canada. i remember all the snow then. the snow high walls down our walk way, the igloos we made. tobogganing or skating on beaver lake and cross country skiing at the arboretum. i remember my winter coat and furry hat of my youth so much so it feels as if they hang in my closet still.. i think the snow makes me feel at home, safe in the memories.

i am not going to rush it, never will i. for the silent of a winter snow fall reminds me of the happy sounds of my childhood, yet it is also so much a part of what is happening now.

* i apologize for the wet lens, snow was falling pretty steady.

winter green

Hi, i wanted to make this day( date) special after all it is 11.1.11 i got married on 1.11. truth i just found myself eating to many cookies, driving around and getting lost but not in a good way. running to the grocery store to get provision for the storm but leaving the grocery store with two zucchinis, egg, plant and onion (it better not be a big storm). a friend/blogger is coming this weekend to take pictures of winter scenes on the farm, visit winter markets and go antiquing but i am nervous, that nothing will be good enough. 

i hope she sees what i see, she is lovely and will becoming with her little girl and maybe she will show me a thing or two on how to take good pictures, maybe we will laugh a lot, discover cool places and make good memories, maybe it will be okay , better than okay.

* i meant the dates are similar- i was married the first of november-1.11

this might come out as cold

i hope not because to me it was the best monday morning present (i do feel like it selfishly for me). it is amazing how snow outside can transform your home indoors, the light changes in every room and as i walk around it is as if the walls wrap me like a warm cozy blanket. there is no secret how much i love winter and the unexpected snow that comes in the fall. I feel so awake this morning, instantly renewed,  I am happy.

I put on a wool hat, mittens and my camera and went to do chores and snap a few in between
ps. i do have a few more to share...