a cracked window for the heart

 last week with a heavy heart  i drove from one country to another i tried to concentrate on the music and the kids laughter that was coming from the back seat but nothing could stop my heart from aching. so  i drove on, then i saw the driveway that for  many years i had passed by, when i did i would say one day  i will stop and take photographs. well as i came close to it i knew that i had to take this moment. as i did snow started to fall, big beautiful gentle, kind flakes, i could feel the heaviness begin to disappear and realized that this was the window being opened and my heart began to breathe. this has been the way i work through things for as long as i can remember.

* i have combined the photographs with some taken on long walks this week through the forest.

when a friend visits the farm, bringing along her little sunshine and book.

a few weekends ago i was preparing for a visit from a friend, Bea who just a few days before released her first cook book. the media & blog world was bursting with admiration for her book, i was excited to have her and her family here but also found myself feeling intimated because what do you cook for someone who makes everything look and taste so wonderful.  I had met bea at her home a year before when aran and i were invited for lunch. the lunch was incredible but it was the ease that Bea prepared the meal for us that was most impressive going from kitchen to table and back again while maintaining a conversation with such grace. I am not so poised at it, so i was nervous but i managed.

Bea,  her husband P. and her daughter lulu arrived just before sunset on sunday. we stood outside as lulu finished her nap in the car , we introduced our spouses, P. was the first "husband" to visit and stay at the farm and he was charming, helpful and funny. when Lulu woke up we headed inside where  Lulu was introduced to the many animals, it took her a while but before you knew it she was becoming more comfortable with them. Lulu is lovely, not only beautiful, a doll- but her vocabulary, wit and knowledge of both english and french  is impressive for any three year old. when you do not have children you quickly realize that the sounds of a child's giggles can fill the house with light.

It was truly great to have them here, we had long breakfast, snacks  & dinners at the farm table chatting away while lulu played, chased and rode the wooden horse. we read books for lulu in bed, i clearly failed the french language as she politely took the book away from me and handed it back to her mum- which truly made me laugh. we took walks through the fields and visited the writers cabin, where lulu and the grown ups played ring around the rosy( that is right kevin i just told the boys at the shop). Lulu held a chicken for the very fist time and i was glad to be a witness to it. I am happy to have had time with Bea not only is she creative, but also beautiful and made even more beautiful by the grace and kind heart she carries within her.

merci bea, P and lulu for spending time with us at the farm.

to see and read a more eloquent post about Bea's time here please visit her blog and this beautiful post.

oh and  getting a signed book delivered by the author to the hill was the icing on the cake- her book is pure sunshine for the eyes, soul and body.

dust in the light

it is tuesday, i hope you forgive me for not posting more regualrly. as i write you the sun is shinning bright, the air cool but not overly cold. the calendar is a day away from march which took me by surprise this morning.  a winter storm is coming, at least that is what is promised and if you speak to a Vermonter they will say the worst storms have been in march. i do not mind it since talk like that always gets me excited for the possibility of snow shoeing something that this snow less winter has not allowed for. I am listening to the new leornard cohen cd as i type this, such a poet but his voice is one that takes me back to my past and lets me walk among the "what was once" for a while. the eggs have been gathered, the barn swept and lunch hay has been tossed to the horses. the ducks and chickens are sleeping in the forest among twigs and leaves, sophie and grace stand on guard.  I have been working on  myself both physically and mentally, i am trying my hand at raw foods once again but this time allowing myself some mindful prepared warm vegetables and tea when my body calls for it.

the first photograph in this series i was able to capture dust in the light. i looked at it for a long while. even dust can sparkle...... i want to thank you for always being kind and taking time to comment, they have filled me with pride yet i am always humbled by them.

the spring of my authentic self

my fingers ache as i press down on each key, for as of late my thoughts have become so deep they have turned physical. i held on to things, ideas, wants and needs so long that they began to cling to my flesh, as i start to let some of these things go i can feel the tearing from my soul. it feels heavy and exhausting and i find myself leaning on things like music and trees, i feel as if  i am being tossed around by sudden winds. my hands feel cold as i reach for things that are not there, things that have been carried away by months of progress. i am not sure if this is giving birth to new ideas or burring that in which has been tried and failed. I am beginning to understand that i have been disconnected from mother earth even though i stare right at her every minute of everyday.  my feet have reached deep down into the soil, deep down into the earth and this spring while newness emerges so will i. finally all the hard work i have done finding my authentic self will begin to bare fruit,  just a little more soil to get through, just a little more dirt to wash away..

* i love the quietness in these photographs for it is really like this on the hill.

suddenly snow and galloping horses

i was organizing going through papers, cleaning cupboards when i heard the dogs barking a minute later i could feel the ground shake and the sound of galloping horses. i looked out the window and it was snowing. I grabbed my wool hat, put the battery in the camera and ran outside. seeing the horses at play is so beautiful.  they love the snow and the crisp air that comes with it. usually tolstoy and splash are slow heavy footed beast who spend there day eating hay and grazing( we have had no snow so they are still eating grass). to see them fly in the air, kick up their legs, roll and shake their heads is an experience you have to see for yourself, it is grand. My photographs are not the best i know but perhaps they give you a sense of what it is like.

Now i am back indoors, looking at gluten free recipes for this weekends house guest. a wonderful blogger who's book is the talk of the blogger sphere and her family, it is their first visit to the hill and i am a bit nervous but also excited and all this made better because it just might include snow!

wow it is really, really snowing now!

winter through tinted glass

winter fell upon me suddenly as i drove to retrieve my love from another state. the snow fell and everything seemed quiet out there as if the volume of the outdoors had been shut off. inside the car

Bon Iver played taking turns with people struggles from foreign lands on npr and other times my own thoughts drowned out the noise from my mediocre speakers. my hands went from tight fists to relaxed lady like movements, my camera sat in the passenger seat  and she saw what i was seeing, winter through a tinted windshield.