a pause for a new beginning

my dear friends, well it is almost here. in just a few days we will be living in vermont.  it has been an emotional roller coaster to say the very least,  and i am exhausted- profoundly, yet it is one of an emotional nature versus physical although i do believe it is creeping into that as well.

although the house is not yet finished of being packed and boxed away, i am ready, very ready to move forward.  lately i have begun to realize how i no longer wish to live in the past, revisit it, look across my shoulder at it or watch the play back on my hearts screen. doing this will come with sacrifice since good things happened in the past too, yet for self preservation i must now not look in its direction until i learn to separate the good from the bad, without having to conjure up the slightest hint of things that have brought pain.

i am moving forward in the biggest of ways, i have no doubt some of what i write here at this very minute is again do to the emotional exhaustion but with up most certainty i am ready to except good things for myself and my family. so my dear readers i must take a pause for a few days, perhaps even a week or more so that i can close this final chapter of this book and begin to write on new paper  with new ink, while preparing a home that will nurture those things that bring happiness, gratitude, solitude, awakening and growth.

i wish to see you again, as we begin our life in vermont.


dear readers, if you should need me at all, i am always available via email and will try to get back to you as soon as possible, for their will never be a time i wish not to be there for you.

* the photograph above, was one i often looked at, one of my favorites that i have taken, to me it promised a journey, and that journey has come.

a good evening.

last night i was invited for a knitting evening at my neighbours down the road, they have the most gorgeous historical home, in fact the first time Julie invited me in my eyes filled up with tears as i expressed to her how lovely it was, not to mention the landscaping simple perfect.

I walked down with chocolate strawberries in tow, a little parcel of seeds to thank julie fro always be so kind to me. Julie created a beautiful spread of vegetarian fair, i was in heaven. we sat at the antiques table and chatted away, we covered so many subjects, it was truly a girls talk evening. they asked me about my new home and i shared what i could without upsetting my present landlord who was there too.  we had belly laughs galore, and i without a doubt was the most talkative of the evening, part nerves part grateful to be having such an evening and finally part knowing that this would be the last time i would be sitting there. I was grateful for such an evening, a nice way to end my stay in exeter.

* i have chosen these photographs because if i had to be honest today i would tell you that not everybody wishes k and i happiness, in-fact they continual go out of their way to send us not kind emails. It takes me to long of time to realize that people will not change, i always believe they will( why is it always the people you do so much for) but the price for waiting for such change is high for me. my friends remind me that change does not always come to all, that some people do not  know how to truly wish others happiness, but instead want to control and break you down so that somehow they can achieve their own happiness, all i can say to this is, is it working for  you.  I have to believe that our karma has been good to have been gifted such a dream of a place and a new beggining and that i will not take it for granted. I wish those who are not being kind to us all the best in the world, that you may too find peace and happiness but realize such things do not come from making others look bad but seeking out the good in people. these photographs made me smile through tears and reminded me that some people throw dirt to clean themselves and how i simply must learn to brush that dirt off, because it does not belong to us.

the plan

today there was a plan, get up feed and do chores then head to the cafe were k would  read the new york times and rolling stones and i would finish Jane Eyre and then we would head home and pack up the basement. well we did go to the cafe and sat there for a long while, i actually had over hundred pages of Jane not thirty like i thought left to read, i finished it there. i usually finish a book somewhere safe from public places, for some reason i always cry and feel a little lost and left out at the end of a book, i did feel all those things but i had to swallow it. Then we had one stop to pick up dog food, that turned into hours including going to the cinema to watch a movie conspirator although i had wanted to see it, i found it hard to watch  after saying goodbye to Jane. The blooming tree outside the cinema softened my heart.

now at home,  we are going through the basement purging as much as we can it is not my strong suit, but his. to make it easier i am wearing a wig, it is a short precise black bob, i have a few and i have been known to wear am out. i bet that surprised you.

trying to quiet the mind

k is away in maine, i miss him. i had a lovely Indian dinner with my friend Sheila last night.

i have been packing all day. tonight i will meet Sheila again about a photo shoot for her new company, she is brave and i have no doubt of it's success. I have thirty pages of Jane Eyre left i must finish soon, because i would like to see the movie in the next few days. 

dear friends tell me what you have been up to, i would really like to hear about it.

a visit to a view

Yesterday my friend catherine and i took a trip to my new home in vermont, the last and only time i had seen the house in person k and i had to snow shoe in to get to the house since the quarter mile drive way was covered in feet deep snow. as we made our way up the drive i could not believe how beautiful every thing was. when i entered the house i was so happy that i twirled around like a child but then i was stopped in my tracks for the views outside the window was so grand it took my breath away.

Our goal was to start building the horse fence, but shipment delayed we decided to walk around the property since i had not seen the pond yet. Catherine kept looking at me and saying "it is like looking at the grand canyon in away, so vast" the mountain tops covered in snow, clouds below the mountains. we were high, high in delight of what we saw and felt.  then we went into town, it is so perfect with it's little shops, sustainable restaurants, coffee house that reflect the universities around.

Back  at the house late afternoon it was a summer day, we built a very temporary chicken fence, and every few minutes one of us would comment on how quiet  and peaceful it was.

truth is i am still pinching myself,  two weeks feels so far away!

*catherine showed up with red wellies. love them!

a dream comes true our announcement

*first four taken by corine(summer) the house,the orchard, the writers shack, the very long drive way.

* snow picture taken by me, the writers shack, the land, the orchard and the mountain views.

Dearest friends can i take you on a journey.

I met my husband one summer on the cape, he was kind, sweet and handsome. I had been travelling my whole life it seemed to far away places around the world. when i met k. he had never left new england, this was odd to me so i invited him to come to montreal. I thought how great it would be for him to hang out with my brother and see more of the world. instantly him and i became the best of friends, slowly i was falling in love with him, he says he had always known he loved me, how lucky was i. we decided do to his not knowing french language we would live in Massachusetts, we were to be married. A few cold feet wedding dates missed( completely my fault), we finally did it and it was perfect.

When i met K. he had never went hiking, camping or canoeing, little did i know as i introduced him to it, it would become his deepest passion. it became what we lived for, hiking in the back country all over us & canada. although most would say that he and i have very little in common, hiking in the wilderness had become one, the well being of animals another but the biggest one was how we both dreamt of living a more natural life in vermont, we would talk about it all the time, tell our friends and family how one day we would like to end up there. that dream had become one of the most important thread in our marriage, i thought.

Until one day, k. came home and said he left the newspaper business after a decade of doing it, the job we hoped would allow us to move anywhere he traded it in for something so permanent, working for the state of massachusetts. WHAT was happening? i had just a few weeks before left my design firm so that i could go out on my own and now i felt as if our feet were bond to the ground. Needless to say i did not understand, it started to take a toll on me on us, see permanent was too permanent, i slowly retreated into a shell. a mix of not so good things started to take place but also some good things like horses and farm life, then more not to kind things started happening and three years later, i decided enough is enough. on that very day i decided that i wanted to wake up from this kinda ho hum life, ifound myself on facebook, found a dear friends avatar staring at me so i sent her a message " you know that stunning place you posted about on your blog, is that gentlemen who has lived there forever still living there forever? I immediately got a response that went something like this " just yesterday after twelve years this gentlemen in questions called to say he was moving abroad?" Could this be happening i thought?

yes because this person who had just answered me had played a major role in my life's direction before. You see she is the one who introduced my blog to the world in away, she is the one who woke me up from the myself inflicted solitude world to one one of sharing and because of it i started to heal. with this very post she snapped me back into the creative world and because of i have been able to take on some great projects and meet people who have become special friends. Corine has made it possible for our dream to come true, a dream unlike the others i have written about before-truth they were phsudo dreams and now in perspective stepping stones to this one i had always wanted, but more importantly the one k and i promised each other.

There was no coincidence getting on facebook a few days before, Corine befriended me and i after a long cry that woke me up, i typed the words that now have made it possible to live in the vermont. our dream home surrounded by hundred acres of breathtaking views, an apple orchard, a pond and a heated writers and meditation shack. everything happens for a reason, timing is everything, remembering what you wanted is a must. dreams are created twice once in your mind than your heart.

so dear friends in a few weeks we will be in our new home
filling our days with dreams while being wide awake.

merci joe & corine for being part of our lives

I also would like to wish my father a happy 65th birthday!

when we move in i would like to share the story about how this home was built
how corine and i just new this was meant to be
how many mountains & states we see from our front porch

oh dear, it's killing me

I have been dying to tell you some news( no i am not pregnant)  so i have stayed away because i was afraid i would let it slip. i promise you in the next few days i will tell you why i have been away!

for now i am asking  the universe to listen to my commands:)

i have posted some of these pics before, i just felt like seeing some color.

monday wish

it is monday the sky is a pale grey, the air warm as soft rain falls. i do not have to many words today i am afraid except for wishing you a good day.