fog and fire.

it is early sunday morning and the sun begins to rise and i again wake feeling lucky but also a little fragile yet calm. i learned a few things this weekend about myself that were pieced together with thought, a listening ear and a friend speaking the same native tongue, perhaps i have known those things before but i again wanted to make them clear to myself. i believe i can change so much of  me but what i am realizing is that somehow how i have not been given the same tool box of emotions, coping and know how as others around me have and that makes some of my being feeling as if i will always be a certain way. I am not sure if  i am sad about it, i do not think i am except when i accidentally get lost in my own fog or when i set fire to my insides which i work so hard to not let that happen even though as i am writing you i hardly am thinking of it at all, while forgetting that certain things are not for me.  if i stay quiet enough i can see i have everything i want  need and that is not worth trading what is needed for what is wanted specially when i do not think i could possibly begin to articulate what that would be, although this song that i borrowed from says it perfectly.

the hen house, a call from a friend and the pond

 the weekend was hard, the good kind of hard work. Our goal was to make the Coop into two sections, one for the hens and one for the rooster. trip to hardware stores, farm stores and then we started. K and i thinking about things as we went, which as you know can take much longer, create more problems but we moved through it. Saturday night finally arrived  as i came in i received a phone call from a friend, in this call came such an act of kindness. i was overwhelmed and that became what most of my thoughts for the rest of the weekend went to, how someone could be so good to me and if i am deserving of this kindness. ( i promise to share soon). Sunday what we thought would be just a few more hours of work turned into a full day once again, poor k weekend was consumed in making my hens happy and in turn making me happy. sunday evening we showered then headed to the market, just what we needed and came home and  prepared a meal and watched a movie as we did this K said would you like me to take a day off tomorrow, oh YES please.(he never, ever takes a day off imagine my excitement)

Monday i woke up extra early so i could finish without having to ask k for help. then we headed into the city for a coffee and to the grain store. came home and decided that we must go for a walk, did i mention that it was in the eighties and that we had the windows open, the weather surreal. as we were almost out the door i ran in to grab my camera k turned and said why are you bringing it when it has stopped working, i told him i just wanted to and maybe she would wake up but truth is it is habit i can not break, maybe even while clicking empty clicks she helps me see. we walked through the forest, k hoping to see a bear, i hoping not to:) then grace ran to the pond and we knew that she was going to jump in and we went to the pond and there she played and swam and then sophie joined her, i sat at the edge of the water as the dogs took turns  splashing me and thanked the sky for the lovely extra day, it was perfect and my camera although she was not able to take a hundred pictures i had snapped on that walk she managed to give me a few that captured the essence of my hearts content.

today i woke up to my daffodils blooming, imagine that happy spring.