tolstoy is my love

tolstoy my giant beautiful horse is not well. the last few nights have been difficult for him. did i tell you we rescued him from slaughter "the meat guy" he was in very poor condition but the good people at penn state medical school took care of him and neer the rescue organization brought him to me. he made my dream come true, the one of owning my own horse. he fills my days with wonder and he inspires me. to see such a large beautiful animal in pain is unbearable to watch. he has had two rough nights but good days. we treated has if it was colic, all the signs where pointing to that, but that he went through it two nights in a row sends a different red flag. for those who do not know colic is the number one killer of horses, it is where their is a blockage and a belly ache and their stomach ends up turning. I am worried, i am not built for this, never was. k and i had to go through cancer with our two golden retrieves and loose them three months apart just a little while ago which really caused so much pain that my life changed drastically. I am hoping tolsoy is different, i am hoping he is the only horse that simply has a stomach ache that will go away, that maybe he was mad that i left for a little while or maybe that i fed everyone before him the last two nights. ironically what he is experiencing is what my sister spent weeks at the hospital for, is that odd?

dear friends, it seems that i am always asking for your prayers, please forgive me if this post is a mess my tears have taken over.

ps. dear higher being enough is enough please