when the rain comes and your cup is spilling over ( happiness)

continued from here

the rain came as i sat there listening to the sounds around me and watching the three people i love the most laugh and giggle while they made parodies of me in their skits on our make shift stage. i laughed hard and somehow how it was as if the last of the sand in the hour glass that must have been me before the horse, the farm fell through. the page turned for good.  the fog came in and all at once k, elle and dylan said auntie you might want to take pictures.  even though rain still fell gently i gathered my things and asked if anyone wanted to go for a walk, everyone did and we headed out from our camp site down a dirt path and wooded stairs a canopy of towering trees drenched in rain surrounded us. this is  happy, i know it is.  i listened to everyone talk as they pointed to this and that as we walked. we arrived at the bridge over the river that we had spent our day swimming in,  the patina of the iron on the old bridge, the glistening wood from the rain fall,  filled my senses. we took pictures and walked some more to an abandoned house, a facade i had seen when we first drove in to the state park the day before. we took pictures of  what once must have been a beautiful farm house by the water and that hurricane irene tried to wash away last year, how beautiful was the sun setting through the windows. rain started coming down hard and everyone started heading back, but i lingered just a little longer, i counted the windows & green worn out shutters, some odd habit i picked up from childhood, like the amount of tiles on the floor or ceiling. i walked back behind the others completely drenched and content, for i was truly in the moment doing the very thing i needed & wanted to do.

melodies

the wind howls outside my window. just this morning as i was doing my chores i could not help but feel my soul smile. i am made for crisp sun filled mornings much in the same way i am for the rain and fog in the afternoon.  i have spent much time getting the hill ready for winter and even garden prepping for spring. the hay has been stacked as has the wood.  lately there is a happy whisper almost like a hum that fills my soul, perhaps it is my time to grow, now that everything is beginning to slow down.

i type this as the fire warms my chaise, a simple meal of brussel sprouts and asparagus is in the oven and tea is already on the table. i am grateful for  many things.  when i wake up as of late, the things i am thankful for escape my lips as i look through the window staring out and the vast landscape that is now my home. sometimes i am frightened to think or write about happiness as if something might come and take it away , that is why i keep insisting on being in the moment and when i am things are both fragile and heavy, lovely and sad but mostly lovely. like the orchard above yellow and red apples hang like jewels in a golden sky, i stop and take the photographs knowing how lovely it is standing in between the rows but there is sadness there too for every tree in that orchard is covered with fruit yet not one has been picked. a no trespassing sign from a rich owner who would rather see the fruit wither and die than it be picked and eaten. then further down the road i stop to take pictures of beautiful wooden structures that to, long time ago have been let go to ruin.  so you see in moments of  loveliness there is both happy and sad melodies.

the company you keep

my dear friend sheila came to spend part of labour day with me as she did one time before. sheila arrived friday after picking up k in the evening. we decided to have a late evening dinner on the porch, freshly picked tomatoes roasted in garlic thrown over pasta, with a tapas of olives, rosemary bread, harissa olive oil and a salad. it was a nice evening the candles flickered at the moon that was the colour of deep apricots.saturday morning we lingered at the breakfast table catching up and sharing thoughts. late morning it was time to head the bennington Garlic festival, we parked far on a farmers field, the ground still recovering from the hurricane,  the hems of our pants muddy and wet. the garlic festival was filled with booths with garlic's as far the eyes can see, we sampled, drooled and shopped before we found a table and settled down for a garlicky lunch while the bands played, we shared our table with a few people from brooklyn and virgina and before we knew it they were dipping into our feast and sharing stories. after sheila tasted the garlic ice cream that left much to be desired not to mention a bad taste, we hopped in the car to williamstown to find a cafe and cleanse our palate. 

when we got back to the hill i called my friend debbie and asked if we could come pick some berries, apples plums. on our way to debbie's house i drove past my neighbours house Lulie, there she was sitting on the porch underneath the afternoon sun. as a photographer, a dreamer i have to tell you this scene was so perfect i could not even disrupt it with the click of my camera. Lulie is my neighbour she in in her late eighties, i am completely smitten with her. she is tiny, with beautiful white hair, the most piercing blue eyes i have ever scene and her southern accent makes me giddy. I invited her to join us and she said yes, both sheila and i knew how lucky this time with her would make us feel.as we arrived at my friends house and opened the gate to the orchard trees bursting with fruit greeted us, we quickly grabbed apples to eat immediately as we made our way to  the blueberry and blackberry bushes. as we picked, we asked lulie questions and listened with great delight, she is wise, funny and sharp as a whistle. this was followed by a walk to the plums trees, the most beautiful trees filled with colour like i have never scene before, not quite ready but we each managed to find a few to nibble on as debbie joined us and help us pick more apples. 

the night ended as we joined debbie and her husband larry at new local pizza place on main street, the  the small town feeling of the day was perfect. spending time with people who make you feel lucky to be in their company was one i will never forget.

* i have more of my time with sheila to share soon

the sweet smell of dew

this morning i got into the car after the chores were done, headed to connecticut to meet my friend at logees greenhouse. arriving before my friend Catherine, as i opened the door i felt as i had felt for so many mornings of my younger days working in a greenhouse.  as i stood there i could feel the dew gently touch my face and the sweet smells from flowering trees, citrus and roses fill my lungs.

as i walked through with camera in hand, i knew that i would have to do this more often, something that could fill so many senses at once must be done more. as i studied the name of plants and answered a few questions from Catherine about certain species, i realized that i too wanted/needed to know more. You see for a long while i was an landscape designer, both interior and exteriors. I had won several accolades, taking the highest honours three years in a row an the New England Flowers show,  a few articles and high profile clients although wonderful, took me further away of what i enjoyed most, getting my hands dirty, learning the species and nursing the impossible species to something so beautiful.

so today as i went down the narrow aisles, imagining what my skin would look like if i still worked in such a place, thinking of all the things left to learn. discovering a new species of begonia and purchasing my favourite oxalis, i realized that although in so many times in life you must move forward and not look back, yet there is certain things you can take up just where you left off. i know i will probably be learning it for the rest of my life, and that suits me fine.

the train station

yesterday i sat and waited at the train station for k. i used to love the train station, the airport. i loved seeing people coming and going i would fill with excitement of the possibilities. i would love the sounds of trains pulling in, people calling out names and fashionable feet running across the station floor. it was not like that yesterday, yesterday i knew i had changed. i felt out of place, i knew where i wanted to be. no longer thinking of where i would like to go but where it was i wish to be, the country side my home. although my wait was not long at the station it felt that way to me. I thought about the sounds on the farm, the new birds that sing with each new season, the horses that run up the hill, the way the sun highlights a certain tree and how i always seem to find a treasure from nature.  on the farm i have no problem giving up people watching for bird watching, specially now a days as the cardinals are eating the fall berries. I thought about how i never feel lonely at the farm and that no one approaches me on being too quiet  or lost in thought, that at the farm i can dream for days on end without wasting any ones time. i thought about lentils and how a home made bowl of them spiced with curry was better than anything on the menu in  town. i thought about piles of books, and knitting needles. I have to tell you there was a bit of sadness that entered me as i  was sitting on the banquette waiting for k, i realized i was different that i had changed and it felt permanent, i felt old as if i was setting my feet in cement willingly and i wondered if k would love this person that no longer kept a suitcase packed at edge of her bed -somehow i crossed over and  there at the station i was saying goodbye to the person i used to be.

scarborough beach and i

the other day i needed a drive, i found myself at the foot of the shore. it was grey with hints of sun trying to pierce through the kind that toys with my lens and creates an odd affect( i feel at times that light makes real things look fake can you see it). the smell of beach roses still lingered in the air, a few random people here and there a team of surfers(with wings) catching the waves. even at the shore my head was spinning about things i was trying hard to let go. eventually that day, right as my body found itself amongst the waves,   a string of thoughts came to an end and just like it has so many times before -a deep breath welcomed a new beginning.