the life outside my door

the weather is now a perfect. a big stunning storm came and took away all the humidity.   it has a been all about the outdoors here on the hill.  special moments that feel as if they have been choreographed just for me, like deers giving birth in our long grasses and even though only through binoculars can i experienced it, it is still incredible. baby swallows hatch and fly away as i hold my breathe hoping that  their mama does not leave one behind. discovering and eating tiny wild strawberries from the fields. picking my first few radishes and eating them instantly, my vegetable garden growing in perfect and not so perfect rows. butterflies, fireflies, finches, chipmunks with babies who be friend a birds . bouquets of wildflowers scattered through the house, daisies, bachelor buttons, corn flowers, yarrow, black eye susans and these flocks that can be seen everywhere even through town and by road side. there has been two wasp bites within seconds, medicine and sleepiness. lemonade, hammocks and walks in tall grasses. there has been evenings by windows, cool breezes and sounds of tree frogs and stories from radios. all this is the goodness that make's it clear , i live in the country down a dirt road, on a large patch of earth that feels so far from everything but more real than anything else i know.

the window and tall grasses

yesterday as i let the horses out into tall grasses, a breeze of perfect balance of warm and cool air came over me. i walked in the fields that have already reached my hips, with thoughts of gathering some wildflowers that have been popping up every where. as i took each step hundreds, thousands perhaps of crickets would jump ahead of me, as if they were walking along side, few even landing on me. i walked for longer than i had planned picking flowers as i went, thinking about where my heart is and how sometimes the beating is so faint and fragile and other times it is bounding so hard, a mix of restlessness and satisfaction.  i see birds bathing in front of me, horses run to stormy clouds, i hear my hearts voice calmed by were it resides. whether it is the power of a thunder storm, the sun brightly lit blue sky or fog that makes everything disappear i am happy here, being happy can also have moments of doubt, fear, and tinted melancholy and even heartache but each one of those feelings are a note and together are the music that is my life.  a life that i am falling in love with full heartedly like that window, when the light hits it just right, it is a song i want to listen to over and over again.

this song is so beautiful, i weeped when i first heard it, i want to live each "word"

the montreal i used to know ( the geraniums at the window)

 when i was younger i moved to old montreal into my first loft. at the time there was hardly anything in town, just empty buildings, cobble stone streets  an obscure Jazz place " air du temps"  and a few restaurants in the center. my  loft was housed in a run down building, first floor belonged to  sculptors, second floor chefs, third  floor painters, fourth photographers and fifth musicians, i lived on the fourth but i could have lived on the fifth too for i made  money to buy film by playing drums in the subway , yes i did but to hear me play today you might say that people dropped coins in my hat out of pity.

on my last trip i started noticing a shadow of myself walking along side of me, whispering about the montreal i used to know. the quiet winter walks along the side walk edge. the greys, the weathered doors and handles and dirty french panes. so much has changed now, every building converted too condo's restaurants and shops. only those with a certain income can live there now and i am not sure if  it ever gets as quiet as i remember but just for a moment i heard the sounds and saw scenes from a place i used to know, just for moment i saw a reflection through the geraniums covered glass of the  person i used  to be and a place that helped shaped who i am today.

a bouquet (*update)

it is still raining here and every once and a while the thunder is felt underneath my feet. we are safe, the animals are safe, the plants and the trees too. I am lucky and i know it. rumours have it that this was some sort of media hype but some people have lost their lives, their homes, their belongings. sometimes i am sadden that people to do not believe in the collective thought, the power of a group of people hoping, praying for the best positive outcome, perhaps that is what has happened, the worst has not found us and that is because we thought  it away.

k sits  on the chaise watching a movie, i check on animals, pick up around the house and find a recipe to try from a the beautiful Mediterranean cook book filled with incredible photographs that was gifted to us by Kevin's co worker jim  this weekend, what a wonderful and kind surprise, thank you jim. we arrived at the tail end of the farmers market in williamstown yesterday, vendors had packed up, but k found the the flower vendor loading his truck and bought the most beautiful bouquet of zinnias to brighten things up if we were to loose power.  i thought even as the rain falls outside how i can not help wanting summer to stay just a little longer.

hope you my dear readers are safe.

( i know it more might be coming in regards to the weather)

UPDATE* it is only when driving into boston at three am this monday morning did i learn of the destruction that has taken place  here in vermont, my town bennington and neighbouring towns such wilmington, troy  and brattelboro. Last night after i posted this post, the wind came and the rain poured but we did not loose power except for the quickest minute. we are fine and we know how lucky we are. i am very sad, if  i am to be truly honest -every time npr spoke about what was happening in vermont my eyes filled up with tears. this is a beautiful state and to know that the covered bridge i stood on and posted about just a  few weeks ago along with two others are no longer standing makes my heart ache. i am thinking of all of you and with all my heart hoping you are well.

a field of flowers

my dear friends, i will make this quick. i am home from montreal, my niece and nephew are back there.
k is in boston, it is just me, les animaux and my thoughts on the hill .  my plan is to clean the house very well, to get rid of things that pile up, those things i stick in drawers, in closets because it is easier. i also want to do the same for my mind and my heart i have tucked away things that i must deal with some will be nothing at all and i can let the wind take them, others will be more trying but rewarding never the less.

on my way to montreal early saturday morning, the fog was very thick i had to slow down when i wanted to go fast, thank goodness for moments such as these for without them i would have missed the field of flowers and although the pictures are not what i had hope they would be( i will try again in a few days), the moment i took to stop and see them was.

 i think of you, and to you i give  a field of flowers.

 * i do not photoshop my images, in this case i did crop a few images, the flowers that are in the back in this case the sunflowers the fog was the heaviest.

quiet came and so did many lovely things.

hi.

I woke saturday morning to a quietness, the one that i craved but you see i thought i was okay still without it but the night before a meltdown through tears, exhaustion or worse yet a lack of patience was quickly taken posession of my mind and body. the thing is i did not know i really needed some quiet, i craved it but needing it to function that was unexpected. so there is was saturday morning, the little chick that had slept with me in my bed because she needed a mommy badly, was no longer chirping because i had found her a real hen mother, the dogs were sleeping with k, the feathery were fed, the horses too.  i picked up a broom and started to sweep, cleaning house, placing things where they belong, picking flowers and making tiny clusters, all those things were healing. I had a visitor too that dropped by and performed some magic but i will leave that for another post. K and i spent the weekend doing regular things but enjoyed the silence.

sunday evening my friend catherine arrived with her children. she showered me with all things wonderful, peaches, plums and apples from her orchard. rhubarb, blueberries tomatoes from her fields. home made jams & vanilla, rices of all kinds, olive oils. goat cheeses and soap. heaven!.  i made dinner, we chatted. the next day we went to the lake read magazines as the kids swam, talked about life and projects, went for a long drive.

came home made dinner, ate good cheeses and breads and nibbled on chocolate. thank u dear catherine.

they just left and for the rest of the week there will be just me, les animaux and that is pretty special too.

i also wanted to thank corine for writing these kind words

when all is lovely

i can not believe how many pictures i took of our time with aran and her family.

having aran visit us in our new home was wonderful, last time she visited it was bitterly cold and she was shooting photographs of a new england winter for her book. at that time i had fallen in love with miren instantly but i was too  meet jon, and i was excited to hear his voice, for i had seen him grow through pictures, he is a very special little boy. the kids played well together, they fed the chickens and ducks, and where there as new chicks were born, they picked dandelion greens for our feathery friends. jon who at first was a little frightened of our very large bears( dogs) would come to love them and sneak out of the house just to sit and visit with them. miren had a voice too and she talked constantly although in her own little girl language, it was clear that soon she would speak in large sentences. she kept up with the big kids and clearly was the leader of the bunch. 

Aran , miren and i were able to leave the kids behind with k. so that we could go to the farmers market and scenic tour of neighbouring towns sans entourage. i loved this time with aran, she spoke so fondly of her country Basque, the culture, the food, the scenery and her childhood, i loved hearing about those things especially her stories about her father who i believe could teach me so many things about the life i am living. we shared thoughts about children, marriages and careers all while pulling over to the side of the road and taking photographs.

I am so glad she came and i feel as if she will always come and every time she does i feel as if i am in the company of a dear friend. thank you aran for taking such lovely photographs of the life we have hear, making the food i make look good and your kindness and generosity.

now  when are you coming back:)!

Ps. happy birthday Sir jon, a little package in the mail for you.

through the fields

I met my mum in saratoga, ny she was coming from montreal by train. we shopped and dined and made our way home. she had seen our house the weekend our truck was stuck at the end of the road, barely any furniture no stove or fridge. she is glad to be here and i am so very happy to have her here.

Yesterday we found a farm stand in shafstbury full to the rim with goodness we filled our baskets with vegetables, berries, breads and flowers. when came home  we took a walk  through the fields to see if the blueberry bushes were almost ready. the wild flowers we encountered filled our hearts, every other word was look at this , how beautiful! when black eyed susans, bachelor buttons, daisy and many other flowers grow wild for as far as the eyes could see you cant help but to feel like a little girl.  the blueberry bushes were almost ready, bursting with fruit,  we picked some dandelion greens for the ducks, walked to the pond were it was visible large animals had been sleeping in the long grasses. then we walked to the cedars that are lined like soldiers. on our way back we discovered thousand of tiny little wild strawberries, no bigger than pearls but so good that we left the fields with strawberry stained hands, knowing we would be back for more.

wild flowers and horses.

this morning i was woken by my horse tolstoy, he was upset because Splash my other horse decided it was greener on the other side, perhaps he was right but jumping the fence was not  what he was supposed to do. i ran down the stairs and outside and got everything back to normal. i decided i would give them their  morning grain and if i was going to do that might as well let the ducks and chickens out too. when i entered back into the house with so very little clothes on ( note to self sleep with more clothes, you never know). i looked at the clock and it was only ten minutes to five, yes five am. i curled up on the couch with dogs trying to get rid of the chill that i got from a cool morning. I knew then it was time to make a new pasture for the horses, so off i went, it was still early enough and a hat was not needed to keep the sun away but as hours when by, i kept working i found myself saying go put your hat on and sunblock. i did not and oh how red i am. what i did notice when i was creating the  new pasture is how tall the fields were, up to my waist if not higher and covered with wild flowers,  beautiful.  k. and i often hike out west and we always say we say we should go in june to see the wild flowers, but not being fond of crowds we always end up out west in september. how great it was so be out there among these wild beautiful fields. i sat in the middle of them for at least a half hour, watching the horses graze, butterflies flicker and the million grass hoppers who were not shy at all and landed on me by the dozens. I always feel there is reward after you do something with your hands and sitting in field of wild flower is sweet  and coming in for a glass of home made hibiscus ice tea is too.

*today after all this i was informed that my fathers cousin was killed my an arm robber in his shop in texas. i wirte this here to remind me the contrast between  life and death that their his horrible things that happen every minute of everyday and that guns is one of the most inhumane things that are legal.