when i, become the predator

i do not mean to post and this photograph is meant for another one. yet here i am writing, with a heavy heart. I disturbed a nest in my attempt to photograph three little baby robins. they flew and fell and i let out a  big oh no as i completely tried to make things right again, i scooped two up immediately and put them in their nest but the third one i could not find. i  spent so much time looking and every time i gave up i found myself trying again and again till tears became to heavy to see clearly but then i still tried, still trying.  i prayed to mother nature to help spare this little missing bird. i started second guessing was there actually three. the parents calling out and frantic my heart sank and my soul crashed, i did this. Soon after the parents found it best to take the others away from their nest in the lilac bush as dark clouds and wind came mimicking how my insides were feeling, bringing even more worry to this tiny robin family who have been working all afternoon to get away from the predator which is me. I am broken, was it not enough to have them by my door laying, nesting was it not enough to see three little beaks with my own eyes. why is it i feel need to document so much. i truly feel awful and i know dear readers you will say it not your fault, but it is my fault nature she is fragile and is meticulously planned and i disturbed this plan when i became to greedy.

a new friend, a tart and france

I have a new friend, her name is tzurit, but i have always had a favourite bakery, Tatte i have blogged about it here and here .  Tzurit owns Tatte and i have been lucky enough to finally meet her, well not in person but through many emails. i can't  tell you how many times her and i have said "me too", we share so much in common, the love for tin ceilings, unusually re-salvaged materials, childhood memories and even some of our daily struggles.  early on we talked about paris and shopping for her new bakery Tatte Two that will open in cambridge this spring and guess what, she will be joining us in dordogne this fall. she bakes at night, while juggling the design of the new bakery and motherhood. she has incredible taste and has even employed Anthropologie's builders( gonna be gorgeous). while she bakes at night she often tweets images, i drool and answer back things like oh my, and how i wish and you know what she sent me a box of beautiful baked goods, it arrived yesterday. this morning i opened it ( i have patience) to find these lovely treasures but when i unwrapped the pear tart my heart leaped, how beautiful and simple it is which is the formula for everything she makes. i am lucky to have a new friend who feels like a very old and dear one, who happens to be the owner of my favourite bakery.

* also included is halva squares and her signature nut tart. i bring all my friends there and it happens to be where i choose to meet bloggers for the first time. so delicious. Tatte 2 will also include a restaurant and shop and that is very exciting!

* i am sorry i am the worst food blogger, i should take our workshop:)!

*dishes some antique ironstone and some from the talented asya of Gleena

Our home Featured on Stephmodo!

Dearest Friends, the lovely Stephanie from Stephmodo wrote about and featured my home on her blog. if you have never before visited Stephanie's blog you  are in for a real treat!.  Stephanie is the owner of the stunning  La Maisonnette  a five hundred year old stone cottage  her and her husband renovated. i was  lucky to have stayed in when i was in Dordogne, France last year and happy to say will be staying there again this fall! so please have a look! 

1.16.2012

REAL LIFE HOME NO.14 - A CONVERTED BARN IN VERMONT

What would you give to call this lane your driveway?  And how would your life change if you enjoyed this beautiful expanse each day of your life?  A view that some say is the best view in Vermont as it covers four mountain ranges in four different states.  I, for one, cannot imagine such a thing as I can see hundreds of homes from my living room window.  Perhaps that is what makes this "real life home" so precious to me.  That, and the lovely woman who calls this converted barn in Vermont, home sweet home. 

gentillesse

if i had not gotten stung twice, if the check had arrived in the mail, if the library books were not due, if  the wood had not come that morning i would have not found her there, falling from the hill crossing my path. if i decided to go left instead of right, if i had taken that call as i was walking out the door, if i had not forgotten the netflix movies and turned back, i would have not seen her cross the street into the forest. if i had the thick skin that people wish i had, if i did not listen to my inner voice, stare into her eyes, fall in love with her within minutes, i would have left her there in the shelter that said they would be happy to take her and were ready too. if i had left her i would have gotten a call the other day to tell me she was put down with fourteen other tiny kittens who where infected as parvo swept the tiny kitten room. if i did not leave with her in my arms she would no longer be. i only wish i could have done something more...

she was put in my path and i in hers. her name is gentillesse (kindness) and she has found a forever home, here on the hill with us.

in my life i have always had this thread and if i was to pull that tread it would take me back to the age of five ihave always been able to see my path through this thread.

thank you all dear readers, your hearts are SO BIG, for those who said you would be happy to take her i could not let her go but i know there is beautiful loving souls waiting for you at shelter near you.

* she is helping sophie heal-which is amazing. she is teaching sophie how to be gentle.

* pictures from the orchard- the apples were hot pink i am not sure what makes them that color and if it is a variety.  all i know is that among thousands of apples trees that were picked these were left. i so wish my camera was in better shape, so please forgive the blurr. i find photographing hot pinks, fushias and magenta can distort a picture. ( they do not allow those colors on television and now i know why:)! as far as tasting one, well i am afraid i can not- they spray the orchard with chemicals( a lot)

when life tries to tell you something and you keep missing it

my dear readers i feel as if i have been on the infamous roller coaster that seems to take us all on a ride at some point ( i have had my share). i have this profound connection with karma, it seems to watch my every move and more so seems to listen to my rants and then bang hits me. friends and family might say that certain events are not because of something i have said or done but it is hard to listen to such things when your gut speaks so clearly that it is. I have confused you and perhaps if i shared some of the sad things that happened this weekend, you too would try to console me by saying nadia it just not your fault, you did the best you can so i am not going to write it, because i know i played a part. i have noticed through out my life if i am too blame i can cope with things much better, see the path it lead, learn from it and do my best not to go down the road again. I also have learned if things keep happening it means i am overlooking an important message and this brings me to the following, i need to get my feet firmly on the ground, to have a plan and move forward, not the circling i have been doing for years. to do so i need to listen to myself and my thoughts and i lately am having trouble. perhaps i am over stimulated by all the i see on the net, that somehow i get lost in other peoples lives in the blogger sphere that i confuse it to the point were i stop living mine. (OH goodness), please do not worry i am going to blog cause it has profundly changed my life and i love it. i am going to continue to to be moved and inspired by reading yours. all i need is to clear my head and take a look at what is going on in my life. have you've been there overwhelmed by all that others are doing that you end up standing still? I wonder how do you motivate yourself, do you stay in that standing still position and how long is too long. so you see dear readers i am circling but i can also say i know that that something good even great will come of it, it is happening i can feel it stir in me.

* i wanted to share a post from my friend juliana who stayed at our home when i was in france
* also a post that author and friend corine shared on her blog, that also can shed some light at some of who i am

the snow and my dear sophie.

for some of you this might not be a welcomed post and in away i felt like that about the snow too. it came to early, twice within days. we are home and finally we are breathing, a few nights ago i was hoping i would stop, that i would not take another breath. My dear sophie (my big white dog) got instantly ill and i had to rush her to er were she had to have life or death surgery. i  cried so many tears my eyes ran dry, my head pretty near exploding. i was not going to loose one more anything, i am not good at these things, i am not made of the materials needed to cope.  yet i know now i know my animals and the most subtle change in behaviour a motherly instinct kicks in. sophie is on the mend, and home, the road ahead not easy, yet already better. i think the snow came to calm us down, even in away a vital component to saving sophies life.  I will like to thank my neighbour debbie for being there to drive sophie and i to ny, staying with me till wee hours of the morning, k for coming as soon as he possibly could, the vets all of them for saving her.

 it is a beautiful sunny sunday, white snow everywhere. standing outside under the warm sun feels like a friend's arm around my shoulder. the house feels so different in the snow, a warm bright light comes in and lifts all our spirits.

Autumn and a visit.

dear friends i thought i would share some photographs of  autumn a small break from france but there is more to come from paris. 

just a few hours after my arrival from france, i picked up aran and her family, they were coming to vermont to enjoy fall  and it's colours. aran came with her parents, i had heard so much about them, it was very nice to finally meet them and spend a few days showing them a bit of vermont and the hill.  although they spoke basque and very little english, i felt as if we were able to comunicate well, what they had to say and their kindness touched me, i could have easily spent more time with them.  we went to different parts of vermont, visited farmers markets, pumpkin stands and patches, my friend's sheep farm and lakes and rivers. aran was shooting for her book and her father has a new found passion for photography it was great to see them shoot together and for her father to share his images. miren and jon  filled my house with joy, they are comfortable here and that makes me happy.  aran shared her time on the hill with kind words and gorgeous photographs in a post on her blog.

i do have a few paris post to come, a giveaway, time with my mum, montreal and my friend Juliana's stay at the farm. all that ahead. 

thank you dear readers for being here, thank you for always lifting my spirits, making me think and dream- your birthday comments and emails have been read many times over with appreciation 

thank you for it is all of you that are magnificent

soon i will be home dear autumn

hope you are well.  i am still away and this is a scheduled post, i am sure i will be wondering what it looks like on the hill, if  the animals are okay, if Tolstoy will forgive me for being gone so long and if splash misses our lullaby. i dream of a fence such as this one for them. dear sophie i am coming home very soon, have you been good to grace, bullet and stella. have you kept the foxes, hawks away from our feather family. k, hon, love, did you enjoy your week on the hill. i will be home soon. i will have a house full of guest this whole month to celebrate autumn on the hill. 

hope you guys are well.

* pictures taken two days before i left for france.