gentillesse

if i had not gotten stung twice, if the check had arrived in the mail, if the library books were not due, if  the wood had not come that morning i would have not found her there, falling from the hill crossing my path. if i decided to go left instead of right, if i had taken that call as i was walking out the door, if i had not forgotten the netflix movies and turned back, i would have not seen her cross the street into the forest. if i had the thick skin that people wish i had, if i did not listen to my inner voice, stare into her eyes, fall in love with her within minutes, i would have left her there in the shelter that said they would be happy to take her and were ready too. if i had left her i would have gotten a call the other day to tell me she was put down with fourteen other tiny kittens who where infected as parvo swept the tiny kitten room. if i did not leave with her in my arms she would no longer be. i only wish i could have done something more...

she was put in my path and i in hers. her name is gentillesse (kindness) and she has found a forever home, here on the hill with us.

in my life i have always had this thread and if i was to pull that tread it would take me back to the age of five ihave always been able to see my path through this thread.

thank you all dear readers, your hearts are SO BIG, for those who said you would be happy to take her i could not let her go but i know there is beautiful loving souls waiting for you at shelter near you.

* she is helping sophie heal-which is amazing. she is teaching sophie how to be gentle.

* pictures from the orchard- the apples were hot pink i am not sure what makes them that color and if it is a variety.  all i know is that among thousands of apples trees that were picked these were left. i so wish my camera was in better shape, so please forgive the blurr. i find photographing hot pinks, fushias and magenta can distort a picture. ( they do not allow those colors on television and now i know why:)! as far as tasting one, well i am afraid i can not- they spray the orchard with chemicals( a lot)

when life tries to tell you something and you keep missing it

my dear readers i feel as if i have been on the infamous roller coaster that seems to take us all on a ride at some point ( i have had my share). i have this profound connection with karma, it seems to watch my every move and more so seems to listen to my rants and then bang hits me. friends and family might say that certain events are not because of something i have said or done but it is hard to listen to such things when your gut speaks so clearly that it is. I have confused you and perhaps if i shared some of the sad things that happened this weekend, you too would try to console me by saying nadia it just not your fault, you did the best you can so i am not going to write it, because i know i played a part. i have noticed through out my life if i am too blame i can cope with things much better, see the path it lead, learn from it and do my best not to go down the road again. I also have learned if things keep happening it means i am overlooking an important message and this brings me to the following, i need to get my feet firmly on the ground, to have a plan and move forward, not the circling i have been doing for years. to do so i need to listen to myself and my thoughts and i lately am having trouble. perhaps i am over stimulated by all the i see on the net, that somehow i get lost in other peoples lives in the blogger sphere that i confuse it to the point were i stop living mine. (OH goodness), please do not worry i am going to blog cause it has profundly changed my life and i love it. i am going to continue to to be moved and inspired by reading yours. all i need is to clear my head and take a look at what is going on in my life. have you've been there overwhelmed by all that others are doing that you end up standing still? I wonder how do you motivate yourself, do you stay in that standing still position and how long is too long. so you see dear readers i am circling but i can also say i know that that something good even great will come of it, it is happening i can feel it stir in me.

* i wanted to share a post from my friend juliana who stayed at our home when i was in france
* also a post that author and friend corine shared on her blog, that also can shed some light at some of who i am

the snow and my dear sophie.

for some of you this might not be a welcomed post and in away i felt like that about the snow too. it came to early, twice within days. we are home and finally we are breathing, a few nights ago i was hoping i would stop, that i would not take another breath. My dear sophie (my big white dog) got instantly ill and i had to rush her to er were she had to have life or death surgery. i  cried so many tears my eyes ran dry, my head pretty near exploding. i was not going to loose one more anything, i am not good at these things, i am not made of the materials needed to cope.  yet i know now i know my animals and the most subtle change in behaviour a motherly instinct kicks in. sophie is on the mend, and home, the road ahead not easy, yet already better. i think the snow came to calm us down, even in away a vital component to saving sophies life.  I will like to thank my neighbour debbie for being there to drive sophie and i to ny, staying with me till wee hours of the morning, k for coming as soon as he possibly could, the vets all of them for saving her.

 it is a beautiful sunny sunday, white snow everywhere. standing outside under the warm sun feels like a friend's arm around my shoulder. the house feels so different in the snow, a warm bright light comes in and lifts all our spirits.

deep breath

i must find my breath today, i must calm my heart, i must still my mind.( pics--this frosty mornings walk)

thank you dear readers(friends is it okay to call you that) for all your kind words on everything it means so very much to me.
i also want to thank marie claire maison blog for their lovely mention!

eyes see clearly but heart is blurry

do you know that time in your life when you know a big change is about to take place, you have wanted it, but you feel anxious, nervous. you second guess yourself. you ask for signs but do not trust yourself enough to read them..i am there but i will take a drive now and try to leave those somewhere, anywhere but here..and maybe upon my return those unclear feelings would have left me...

*then i had a dream of a day will share photos soon!

the view inside me

I have been trying to listen to what i have to say. it is easy here to find quietness, the silence needed to reflect and ponder. I also know that that my minds view is so full beautiful things. a never ending story gets told, chapters roll into one another. the scenes that are played out are of true elegance. the language of those who speak to me are foreign and beautiful. the places i travel are full of exquisite heart ache, instruments are played to perfection that i am able to hear my own heart play at the very end note. the scenes are filled to the rim with noble personages. I like it there, but i also like it here and it is clear to me i am at two places at all times...

lundi

today the sun shines beautifully, birds are chirping, a far away rooster lets us know a new day has begun. I like it here. My trip to montreal could have not been more perfect. Cafes, bakeries, the visit of historical places. Dinning with with my parents and having my mum and dad sing happy birthday made me happy, the whole weekend i felt like a daughter, a girl. sunday morning we woke up to the smell of my mums baked croissants, yes perfect.!

the light in the dark

these were taken the other night. tomorrow we are headed to montreal for the weekend. Please have a wonderful weekend!