i went to montreal and fell in love

with jesse cook. yes i said it out-loud i can see my in laws right about not saying AHA! but it is true. i fell in love with music that jesse cook played from a large stage underneath the blue dark skies in montreal. I had heard a few things by him and never met a guitarist who did not mention his name. we made our way through the thick crowds at the jazz fest when we finally got to the stage surprised by the number of people, we decided to stand at the side of the stage. it was perfect. we where then told that we will be part of the making of his dvd and the kids lit up like a christmas tree! i have to tell you that what came out of all the instruments on stage was one of the most beautiful sounds i have ever heard. i felt so in the moment that my body naturally wanted to move and i did so till the very last string was played. i hope to share some with you.

I also wanted to apologize for a lack of great montreal pics, i simply was having to much fun and forgot to snap away and since it was mostly downtown with thousands of people i simply inhaled it in. OH did i mention on the first night there was this incredible band that played music from Amelie i thought about all of you at that very moment! i also thought hos i wish we could have a gathering there someday!

further inside of me

i was very fortunate to have been able to visit the theater this week and too listen to stravinsky' "rite of spring" performed by heddy maalem dance troupe. not only was this beautiful to watch but powerful to listen too a few days earlier i also listened to an orchestra performance, that moved me so much that i started shaking. i have been this way since i was a little girl. in the last few years i feel something so deep inside of me that it often it feels like i have no ability to breathe and my heart
hurts. as i was listening to this performance come to an end and had reached the state i just mentioned i heard a gentle whisper in my ear asking" what where you thinking about" i could not answer the questions..but it stayed with me all night. on a drive back one afternoon i heard another beautiful piece of music that brought tears quickly to my eyes and i began to feel the heart ache...then i had remembered the question that was asked a few nights before....

the answer to myself

although i will be celebrating my eleventh year of marriage and fifteen years of togetherness, i think that in those moments that the music is playing i yearn for a moment of innocence and newness where my name is nadia and nothing else. please do not get me wrong if my husband would suddenly not be in my life i would be on the floor begging for all of it back every single morsel, but when i hear the piano, the violin, the cello.. i think of the the fairy tale that plays in my head, the quivering lips and the bright eyes, the time before the wrinkles, before the bitter heart ache, before the numbness, before anger and disappointment.

in those few moments i am crying for the person i once was, the person i rushed through. i have always been a dreamer my biggest love is russian literature-sometimes i feel it has ruined me and other times grateful for the life it leads in it's pages...i have never been one to worry about age but what saddens me is how far i have gotten away from myself. In those moments i see myself as i once was and wish i would have taken notice. in those minutes i dream for moments that did not happen and the ones that have but never completed, i dream of rain in paris and hands shaking.....i dream of horses in mongolia and people faces..i dream of new languages..i think of the times i said no when i should have said yes..in those moments i dream for everything to be different while it remains the same....


photos out side my window