Wednesday, November 14

snow falling outside and a thawing



listening to this while i write

yesterday i looked out the window and watched the rain turn into snow. it fell quickly and created a a lovely while vail. the house feels different when it is snowing outside, a warm bright and comforting light transforms the house and everything in it, even me.

soon after the sun came and  the snow melted quickly falling from the roof top making the most incredible sound, i watched it, recorded it, flickering diamonds on the window pane to share with a friend without a window incase they ever needed it.  Did i tell you that i built a lean to for the horses, i did with my two hands only excepting help when needed such a worry off my mind, in fact during it i gave my thoughts a break but now realizing as they are pushing to get out, i must have held them back for to long cause yesterday  a fever came in the middle of the night at first i thought i had warmed the house to much but than realized that it was not the case.  I have for a few post now spoken about music and i do apologize for those who know me might guess that i am in my music phase, like when i am in my book phase or film phase or silent one.

wait, i am not speaking honestly and for what i really want to say right now is what happens if no one really knows me, what i mean is of course many people "know me" but what happens to the other stuff they do not know the ones that come from sharing time with or silences, the ones that comes form opening up when most vulnerable or when they caught you at the peak of happiness. Maybe i am lost in a song right now,  maybe in between the keys of this one, maybe i am feeling sorry for myself oh gosh i would hate if that is the case for in truth i live a beautiful happy life.  i think i am just wondering why i do without things, why i choose to sacrifice certain aspects that are naturally given and experienced by most others when no one expects me to but myself, this is not saying i want to but more like why don't i?  again maybe this is the remainder of a fever talking, maybe i am still lost in a song........

8 comments:

Dena Testa Bray said...

Beautiful. I love the thoughts and the journey.

Rebecca said...

being lost in a song is fine... maybe we'll bump into each other there... ((hugs))

Anonymous said...

I know you and I think you should be part of the wonders of the world!

xxnancy

Prairie said...

Having grown up in Vermont, these images are bringing on a deep nostalgia...

Matt said...

Nadia, I start so many comments to you thinking: I will write down all of these thoughts you inspire in reply to you, here. I will tell you that I understand and feel these things. Tell you that I too have looked around and underneath something in the same way. Tell you that all these things fall together: that joy is always accompanied or shadowed by sorrow; that happiness lies next door to despair; and that silence and shouting are the same thing. And that love and isolation can exist hair's breadths apart from one another. I've gone to write these things to you so many times, and don't know why the words finally print here when I have held back before. Before, perhaps they felt like things which appeared so manifest in your own words and pictures that they did not ever need writing down for you, because it would be for you like reading the patterns of your own mind once more; like sending you back inside your own head. Yet tonight, it feels like you might need to read them and know that they are the same things felt keenly by others, by me, by your friend, too.

dervla @ The Curator said...

Nadia,
thank you so much for linking to me on your blog. I appreciate it more than I can say. Your site is one that i come to frequently to feel the stillness, to take a deep breath, to be inspired, to feel like i can write again. I think i'm always lost in a song. I hope i stay like that forever.

Sweet Life Farm said...

Oh, Nadia, I am so grateful that you offer out your hand to welcome us along on your journey! I feel as if I am in an enchanted world, or dream, with the music playing, the backdrop of the hill and Splash sprinkled in snow and your thoughts swirling, blending with those within my own mind.

All the threads and pieces, each flake of snow, so unique and integral to the beautiful whole.

Matt’s comments, especially “all these things fall together” so very profound and resonate perfectly with this post.

David @ Frenchie and the Yankee said...

Loosing oneself in the song, your pictures and your words - so many feelings and thoughts.