listening to this while i write
yesterday i looked out the window and watched the rain turn into snow. it fell quickly and created a a lovely while vail. the house feels different when it is snowing outside, a warm bright and comforting light transforms the house and everything in it, even me.
soon after the sun came and the snow melted quickly falling from the roof top making the most incredible sound, i watched it, recorded it, flickering diamonds on the window pane to share with a friend without a window incase they ever needed it. Did i tell you that i built a lean to for the horses, i did with my two hands only excepting help when needed such a worry off my mind, in fact during it i gave my thoughts a break but now realizing as they are pushing to get out, i must have held them back for to long cause yesterday a fever came in the middle of the night at first i thought i had warmed the house to much but than realized that it was not the case. I have for a few post now spoken about music and i do apologize for those who know me might guess that i am in my music phase, like when i am in my book phase or film phase or silent one.
wait, i am not speaking honestly and for what i really want to say right now is what happens if no one really knows me, what i mean is of course many people "know me" but what happens to the other stuff they do not know the ones that come from sharing time with or silences, the ones that comes form opening up when most vulnerable or when they caught you at the peak of happiness. Maybe i am lost in a song right now, maybe in between the keys of this one, maybe i am feeling sorry for myself oh gosh i would hate if that is the case for in truth i live a beautiful happy life. i think i am just wondering why i do without things, why i choose to sacrifice certain aspects that are naturally given and experienced by most others when no one expects me to but myself, this is not saying i want to but more like why don't i? again maybe this is the remainder of a fever talking, maybe i am still lost in a song........