Wednesday, June 6

when i, become the predator

i do not mean to post and this photograph is meant for another one. yet here i am writing, with a heavy heart. I disturbed a nest in my attempt to photograph three little baby robins. they flew and fell and i let out a  big oh no as i completely tried to make things right again, i scooped two up immediately and put them in their nest but the third one i could not find. i  spent so much time looking and every time i gave up i found myself trying again and again till tears became to heavy to see clearly but then i still tried, still trying.  i prayed to mother nature to help spare this little missing bird. i started second guessing was there actually three. the parents calling out and frantic my heart sank and my soul crashed, i did this. Soon after the parents found it best to take the others away from their nest in the lilac bush as dark clouds and wind came mimicking how my insides were feeling, bringing even more worry to this tiny robin family who have been working all afternoon to get away from the predator which is me. I am broken, was it not enough to have them by my door laying, nesting was it not enough to see three little beaks with my own eyes. why is it i feel need to document so much. i truly feel awful and i know dear readers you will say it not your fault, but it is my fault nature she is fragile and is meticulously planned and i disturbed this plan when i became to greedy.

23 comments:

joanne said...

It is so very brave of you to share this experience. Sadly, it is the most painful lessons that are soonest learnt.

I hope the little Robin family will survive.

Nature is stronger than we give her credit for!

Hugs
x

Patricia Villamil said...

so honest of you to share... I too, once distrubed mother nature, when i thought i was helping. one time, as i was returning home, i saw a small featherless crow bird on the ground, i thought it my duty to aid him to good health, i brough him inside put him in a box and put a light on to keep him warm. I went out to buy a dropper to feed him in the mouth when i came back he was dead. this broke my heart. i had intervened too quickly, because i had seen him struggling in the ground and was afraid one of the many neighborhood cats would get to him first. to this day, i think about that time, and grieve, but still don't know the answer to what happens when they fall to the ground? do the parents realize and look for them and pick them up?

sometimes nature is more forgiving than we are.

Kerry O'Gorman said...

It is the nature of the photographer. Always wanting to tell the story. I did the same thing once by trying to take pictures of eggs in a nest on a daily bases until the Vireo finally abandoned them. I felt so invaisive. I suppose we could say "lesson learned".

Lauren said...

Such a sad yet beautiful post. Thank you for trusting us readers with this story.
Mourn the loss well and know that your sorrow shows how much you care.
Thank you for all your thoughtful posts. Your words and photography are exquisite.

-Lauren

Pink Ronnie said...

I am so sorry to hear this. So sorry for their pain and your tears and heartache.
Ronnie xo

Mihaeko said...

Oh, dear Nadia, I'm so, so sorry to hear this. But it was an accident and I think what led to this happening is not something evil but something beautiful. You had love for these birds in your heart and your intention was to share that beauty, and this is an important impulse that we have as humans.

I believe very much in Carl Sagan's famous quote, "we are a way for the cosmos to know itself." As much as we're part of nature, we're also observers of it. Today you got swept into participation in the wild, chaotic, sometimes dangerous, sometimes awe-inspiring but always unpredictable nature of being, even while you were trying simply to observe it.

I'm really sorry it hurts so much, I hope you won't be too hard on yourself. You are a caring person, full of goodness and sensitivity. The love and concern you give to others is truly the best part of humanity.

xo
M

Razmataz said...

Because the eggs are laid day apart and there were 3, the oldest chick may have been able to fly and actually flew further than you thought. Perhaps it is reunited now with mother bird.

Last week I was standing on a chair to photograph my robin nest and there were 4 large chicks. They all flew out making me startle and fall. I only could see 2 because they move so fast. The next day, they were not in the nest but four in the yard with mother in the tree.

Sweet Life Farm said...

Sweet Nadia, I am so very sorry this happened. Nature knows your intention was pure.

It reminds me of the time I killed the tree frog which was living in the feed room in the barn. I knew he was taking refuge there from the heat of summer on the concrete floor. Somehow, when I was filling the grain barrel, so sadly, I crushed him. I was beside myself with guilt and grief. Take note, nature has a way of being so forgiving. I wish you this, forgiveness. Perhaps, the robin pair’s young will all learn to fly.

Anonymous said...

What happened was not your intention.
Situations like this is what keeps us humble.
The ebb and flow.

the wild magnolia said...

i am so sorry for your upset.

Yuling said...

Very sorry to read this, and hope you aren't feeling half as bad already. Nature is resilient, and the optimistic part of me knows that the little one and family are all safe and sound in their new home, learning to fly and survive in their own way. With love, to your kind soul.

Dorissa said...

Thank you for your honesty. Mother nature has a built in margin for error. All will be ok.

Bluebells and Lavender said...

The truth is you never meant to harm the birds. It was an accident. Forgive yourself....nature is fragile...we are fragile...we learn as we go along. Have a lovely week. Sharon x

onesilentwinter said...

i had debated closing the comment section when i first posted thinking that i would get people thinking i was silly, i am often misunderstood when it comes to animals, often told i feel to much care to much and yes at times i have been very sick because of "to much" but last night as i lay in bed finally, the moon entered the room i spoke to it. first i complained that why could she not do something and stop shining ( boasting) is actually what i said but she kept coming into the room till she made it so bright then slowly every comment came to mind, i told her how my readers know me well and feel as i do and how lucky i am to trust them to not make light of it.

thank you for your words, truly

Melanie said...

i am sorry your heart hurts over this. as humans we meddle all too often for a good cause, never knowing if we are doing the right thing, but i suppose that is part of the journey. i am sending you healing thoughts.

Ashley Moore said...

My heart goes out to you because I know I would have felt the same if it had been me. I just try and remember that while yes, nature is fragile, she is also adaptable and continuous. *hugs*

Peggy Parker said...

So many others have said what I feel for you so very well.....sometimes having a more developed brain than others in nature is not to our advantage. The line we sometimes cross is so very fine....

S. Katherine Davis said...

You are a sweet & gentle soul. I know there are no words to console you.I am sending you good karma and a bone breaking hug.

sweet harvest moon said...

Oh dear, I'm so sorry! Forgive yourself xx

Anonymous said...

Oh nadia you know its not your fault. The bird probably already knew how to fly :)

Elle

BrigittaR said...

I hope it simply flew away, a disgruntled robin teenager perhaps!?

Line Houde said...

don't be so hard on yourself but I understand!

federica said...

dovremo solo ammirare la natura, ma spesso è così bella che non possiamo fare a meno di intrommetterci...un abbraccio :) F.