the water, the flesh and the flame

perhaps it was the heat and the stillness of the air but as i stood in the pasture right before day became night i felt as if everything around me was spinning. it was not a fast spin but slow moving, i could see the horses finish the last of their supper grain and birds flying by, it took me a minute to realize that it was i that had been turning.  yet inside i felt as if a rush of emotions and thoughts had come to the surface all at once yet they struggled pushing against the inner layer of my skin, wanting desperately to get out. without a rush my steps became a steady run, i took off my hat and pulled my shirt over my head, my jeans fell to the ground and i barely slowed down to step out of them, within a minute i was in the pond. my life a quiet routine that has become  as precise as the ticking of a clock,  but now horses lifted their heads and dogs sat up from a resting positions, was their "roommate" having a breakdown.

no, no i was not in fact the complete opposite was taking place.  as the water moved around me and the sky became darker i knew that for far too long the flesh that covered my body was too thick and i had used it as a guard against heartbreak now that the layer had become thinner the inside call, yell, scream that had been trapped and silenced could penetrate through my flesh and make it out to be heard. maybe it was the cobblestones streets and deep laughter or the reflection in shop windows of who i once was and am again but something made it that even though this is strange sounding, as i was almost completely submerged in water i felt like my fire did not go out after all, there was doubt of course, but there would be none anymore.