Friday, June 22

the water, the flesh and the flame


perhaps it was the heat and the stillness of the air but as i stood in the pasture right before day became night i felt as if everything around me was spinning. it was not a fast spin but slow moving, i could see the horses finish the last of their supper grain and birds flying by, it took me a minute to realize that it was i that had been turning.  yet inside i felt as if a rush of emotions and thoughts had come to the surface all at once yet they struggled pushing against the inner layer of my skin, wanting desperately to get out. without a rush my steps became a steady run, i took off my hat and pulled my shirt over my head, my jeans fell to the ground and i barely slowed down to step out of them, within a minute i was in the pond. my life a quiet routine that has become  as precise as the ticking of a clock,  but now horses lifted their heads and dogs sat up from a resting positions, was their "roommate" having a breakdown.

no, no i was not in fact the complete opposite was taking place.  as the water moved around me and the sky became darker i knew that for far too long the flesh that covered my body was too thick and i had used it as a guard against heartbreak now that the layer had become thinner the inside call, yell, scream that had been trapped and silenced could penetrate through my flesh and make it out to be heard. maybe it was the cobblestones streets and deep laughter or the reflection in shop windows of who i once was and am again but something made it that even though this is strange sounding, as i was almost completely submerged in water i felt like my fire did not go out after all, there was doubt of course, but there would be none anymore.

17 comments:

Cannelle Et Vanille said...

so raw nadia...

Sweet Life Farm said...

So enchanting, moving and tender. Love the poetic story telling of your reflection, your flesh and fire. Immersing ourselves in natural waters is profoundly healing as are your photos. Truly beautiful; your posts are rare gems.

Patricia Villamil said...

i love your photographs, they transport me and calm me. curiosity is killing me: do you ride your horses?

Patricia Villamil said...

i love your photographs, they transport me and calm me. curiosity is killing me: do you ride your horses?

onesilentwinter said...

hi patricia,

i ride splash yet i have not ridden him in a long while. he feasted on too much grass last year for his saddle but this year i hope to ride him more. Tolstoy my draft i do not but he would be wonderful to ride but i rescued him from a very bad situation and he was very sick and my promise too him that he would never have to work again or do anything but graze.

Anonymous said...

It as though you and your camera are one. Simply divine.
Domenico

Sarah said...

What a beautiful expression of healing, learning and freedom. It sounds like you and your hill were in perfect harmony. I'm happy for you that you are able to let go and let the doubt disappear. It's very freeing to be vulnerable and honest.

I just wanted to let you know that your writings have helped me through some things of my own. I always feel calm and reassured when I come here.

Sarah xo

Debie Grace said...

Your words are beautiful. :)

Juliana said...

You are a poet. I can feel your words when I read them. They touch me.

withoutwordswouldyouknow? said...

so beautiful, srtong and trnasformative.


burn!

country girl said...

As always, I feel I am reading a letter from a dear friend. Thank you for sharing.
xoxo

Jen said...

Raw and beautiful. Water has such power.
Your woodsy mossy pictures are wonderful.

Nicole Franzen// La Buena Vida said...

absolutely GORGEOUS! I love the forrest, and all that entails. I adore the light, perfect. Favorite.

imidurski said...

Amazing light in your photographs and power in your words

sheila said...

Sounds so liberating! It reminded me of something you wrote around this time a few years ago, maybe when you went camping with K and the kids but I can’t quite remember. Amazing how time with loved ones, laughter, a chance in scenery can set something in motion for us. External to internal and back again.

Mihaeko said...

One rambunctious summer! This is how being alive should feel. It makes me happy for you and for humanity this kind of limitless joy. Thank you for this. Smiling with you from afar.

Leah said...

These are the moments of life worth writing about.

I am in love with your nature pictures as well.