I wanted to ask you a question, how are you?- i mean really. How are you feeling this holiday season. I am so behind, well saying i am behind means i have in someway started and that is not true. the last few weeks just dragged and flew by- i had a goal and worked hard to push myself when i finished i felt such accomplishment satisfaction but it only lasted a few hours then, the dreaded loss of life and of spirit. everything has calmed down now and things are getting back to normal and on a farm normal is a peaceful as it gets. I look around at my home, it is different than our home last year and i miss the giant fire place that my family gathered around.
I do not have a tree yet, k and i have for three years straight gotten our tree on christmas eve( with exception of last year) that's right. k's family have christmas eve dinner at a restaurant a tradition i used to hate in the beginning, i could not understand why people would not want to be at there home next to there tree but i have come to love getting dressed up and going to dinner. you see there is no gifts to unwrap that night, it simply family and friends at one table talking eating good food and being in the moment. dinner would end at around ten and we would get our tree from a roadside vendor who had a trust box. there we would be all dressed up tying a tree to the car people would honk at us i think in delight of what they where seeing and i remember the first year writing a note to the vendor and putting it in his trust box, telling how he had made our christmas by having trees on christmas eve, he called us chritmas morning to thank us- it soon became our favourite thing to do just k and i. we have had a few losses of life at christmas time, that has made every christmas a little harder. The biggest loss is not having children but we are working to change that.
dear friends, my house is non and void of anything christmas, i have made not one thing and bought nothing some for financial reasons but mostly i am just stuck and i swear if the heavens would open up and let the snow fall i would wake up from this still heart. dear friends would you share something with me maybe a story, quote or what how you feel i would love to listen to it.
* i know i posted these pictures before but they bring me peace and hope.
