yesterday i sat and waited at the train station for k. i used to love the train station, the airport. i loved seeing people coming and going i would fill with excitement of the possibilities. i would love the sounds of trains pulling in, people calling out names and fashionable feet running across the station floor. it was not like that yesterday, yesterday i knew i had changed. i felt out of place, i knew where i wanted to be. no longer thinking of where i would like to go but where it was i wish to be, the country side my home. although my wait was not long at the station it felt that way to me. I thought about the sounds on the farm, the new birds that sing with each new season, the horses that run up the hill, the way the sun highlights a certain tree and how i always seem to find a treasure from nature. on the farm i have no problem giving up people watching for bird watching, specially now a days as the cardinals are eating the fall berries. I thought about how i never feel lonely at the farm and that no one approaches me on being too quiet or lost in thought, that at the farm i can dream for days on end without wasting any ones time. i thought about lentils and how a home made bowl of them spiced with curry was better than anything on the menu in town. i thought about piles of books, and knitting needles. I have to tell you there was a bit of sadness that entered me as i was sitting on the banquette waiting for k, i realized i was different that i had changed and it felt permanent, i felt old as if i was setting my feet in cement willingly and i wondered if k would love this person that no longer kept a suitcase packed at edge of her bed -somehow i crossed over and there at the station i was saying goodbye to the person i used to be.