forward

this weekend thoughts came rushing through me- oh how i stir easily now. i thought about blogging and why i do it and how it started. to be truthful i was feeling a lot of deep painful emotions so i started onesilentwinter a place where i can out things on paper instead of carrying them around and dropping them at the most inconvenient of times. then came la porte rouge, it became exactly as i hoped, bringing me little bouts of happiness on grey days ( although i like grey days). lately i have asked myself why am i still doing it? i think one of the biggest reasons is to document things that i might one day forget, i can remember what i wore or what you wore three years ago at a certain event, what street to take even though i only went through once in the dark- but big chunks of my life have disappeared, perhaps buried or maybe just gone for always, so here is where things can stay for safe keeping.

Another thing i have been thinking about is how i miss film and wonder about this freeing technology and what if, like a light switch it too will vanish. k and i stare at a pile of old video tapes and although the vcr still exist for how long and yes i do understand we can convert our old videos to cd and use our dvd player but then what i wonder. I must begin to print my images, i must. nothing can replace the emotions that are felt while looking at old photographs from a shoe box while sitting in the middle of the floor..

so back to blogging maybe there is a part of me that sees the change that has happened, the farm and the simplicity of it, the still life that is here. it is gift to live this life, i know this with every morsel of being i am more myself here but i am that while climbing mountains, walking the streets of paris and being at the end of deadlines- those are me too. me's i like. for now i will keep walking forward, pushing my camera skills while never making this place not personal because this is where my story is told.

*five minutes after i wrote this post and ten minutes after taking my morning walk and these pictures i dropped my camera on the kitchen floor and my favorite lens Nikkor 17-80 ( i know but is my favorite and 98 percent of my personal pictures are taken with it) broke, broke, broke i write this three times because i have checked a dozen times just to be sure and yes it is broken! needless to say i am devastated. dear friends if you see one gently used can you let me know! but the sun is out and i baked my grandmothers cake and we are going to walk our dogs so tears are wiped and forward i walk.