Friday, September 26

looking at the light and angles of my personal life....








i was lucky enough to visit one of my favorite cemeteries several times this week. i have always liked cemeteries, when i was eleven i found an old pentax with film in it. i had no idea how to work it- since the only camera i played around with was a poloroid.i started snapping pictures of squirrels, and that is where I discovered my love for the camera and my love for cemeteries. I posted some picture i took from my sunday afternoon at the cemetery but upon my return i realized that i had taken many of the hydrangea bushes that i found at the end of a path. The light different on all three days both for the time of day it was and the clouds in the sky. I started to think about how we see things. then i started thinking about books like the Great Gatsby and Anna Karinina, two books i have read several times and each time i came away feeling different...okay back to the light and the way i see things and what this means to me...I have no trouble looking at things in different light, seeking different angles as i observe something through my lens. but do i see things from different angles in my personal life. I have always been the type of person that can see both sides of the story and make an effort too, but what about mine? am i looking at it without dimension.flat?

on one of my afternoon walks though the cemetery i was accompanied by what i consider, well to put a title on our friendship would confuse you because i am unclear...but lets just say someone who knows more about me than the people that should...in our conversation he mentioned how he read something about "Libra's that pretty much hit the mark"- "nadia i was surprised how much it was like you" then he proceeded to point out the things that were" just like me" i stood there with my mouth wide open - it was not me at all, not at the very least....it reminded me of the movie "closer" if you have seen it there is apart were natalie portmans character says her real name for the very first and only time to this man but he does not believe her..i felt like that! there stood in front of me a person that i could quiet honestly say i was more myself then with anyone and he was clueless- like somewhere in our three year friendship he stopped observing. It got me thinking about what i put out there.

20 comments:

heidi said...

Wow. Makes me wonder what everyone sees in me... in us all. You never know how what you radiate and express will be interpreted. GREAT post.

Stephanie said...

Those moments are always so strange and difficult ... so much of what we see in people is what we want to see. Usually that's a good thing, and helps us see the best - but sometimes it is a tragedy.

Beautiful post.

sofia barĂ£o said...

No one will ever know you better than you and even this isn't 100% true. We change every day, all the time. Some of the people we love don't "keep track" of our changes, as we don't keep track of their changes, even if we think we do.

But do we really want to be completely understood ?

I also think that we are only and really ourselves when we give a part of us to others: on writing, on art, on cooking, on loving, etc, on doing something that allow us to express in some way.

Love the calmness of cemeteries too, I was planning on going next week to some and take some photos while the skies are still blue.

muralimanohar said...

I am always surprised with what people "see" in me..right or wrong. I have no idea what I present to the outside world.

please sir said...

Amazing words and pictures - always make me wonder and ponder.

josephine said...

lovely hydrangea shots.

what you described has happened to me a few times. i read a saying once about how we can't control how people perceive us, but we can control how we represent ourselves. i think as long as you're authentic and true to yourself, you're not responsible for other people's perceptions. also, many times people see in us what they want to see in us, whether good or bad.

corine said...

Thank you for putting this out there because it helps me think. I think in most relationships we are just mirror where the other person reflects himself or herself. What he sees in you.. or what he needs to see in you. Sometimes we evolve but the people who love us need to hang on to the old us for dear life.

But it's infuriating isn't it, because more than anything we want people to get us. Even if we don't quite always 'get' ourselves.

It has taken me many years to reconcile my confuse perception of myself, the image I give to the world, and the way others saw me. I'm not finished reconciling quite yet.

amy said...

such an interesting post, nadia... it made me think about how i am seen, and who people imagine i am.

Aran said...

wow nadia... powerful. i think it must happen to all of us... i get that a lot in my life... the adjectives i hear are not at all how i see myself. makes me wonder.

omami said...

Thinking, reflecting, meditation is a sign of growing!! Keep on beautifuls photos!!!

Mary-Laure said...

These flowers are so sensuous I can almost smell them through the Internet...

Bonbon Oiseau said...

oh i know this feeling nadia...too well...
i came to think people see what they want to see based on how they feel about themselves---sometimes they see what we want them to see based on how we feel about ourselves at the time...

we are ever-changing and growing and exposing and hiding new things---this hurts sometimes i think..i have been through it many times...it's confusing but coming out on the other side, it helps us learn i think.

mostly i think people very rarely watch anyone else's "movies" but their own...

Bonbon Oiseau said...

me too...but for me it's a stomach ache from the debate. will write to you more from paris! i realized what i missed most this week was your blog...

Sara said...

not only do i love your posts, but i love reading the comments by all the people who adore your photos and thoughts...always makes me think...thank you:) Have a Lovely Weekend!!

cindy* said...

sometimes it is scary to realize what other people have been thinking of us. often people say i have an unhappy, melancholy face. sometimes that stings a little.

Hila said...

I could almost smell these photos ... and I know what you mean; I'm constantly surprised by other people's impressions of me, as they are so contradictory to my own. I suspect only a select few are supposed to "get" us.

raining sheep said...

Wow, that is a great post. I love those hydrangeas. My parents have a nice variety in their garden on Vancouver Island. They don't grow here in Calgary - it's too cold. By the way, I love cemeteries too...especially some of the ones here from the late 1800s and early 1900s in the prairies. Some are in the middle of farmers' fields..I think you would love them too.

Camille said...

I always have to remind myself that when I am fustrated with the people who care for me or annoyed with the way people in general treat me that it is partly my responsibility. I know I am projecting something that is causing them to react a certain way.

A wise woman taught me this and I have never forgotten that lesson. What I do forget from time to time is to stop, breathe and remember to look within and make changes.

mary said...

You are so right. It's times like this that you wonder, "What the heck am I putting out there?!" and/or "Does this person know me at all?". Two very different feelings: one of which forces you to look at yourself; the other forces you to re-evaluate a relationship. I can imagine I'd feel confused and a little disturbed if this happened to me.

The truth, usually, lies somewhere in the middle.

Tartelette said...

I had a similar experience the other night when my husband describing some of personality traits (can't remember what brought that up) and I was quite surprised and interested.
When we first met, I was working on my dissertation that had me visit a lot of old churches and cemetaries and on our first date he drove me 3 hours away to a cemetary I needed to document but could not locate (not my country-no car). I already liked him but I fell in love with him right there in front of the car :)