Saturday, March 22

spring is stirring inside of me


in the last few weeks, just beneath the surface of my skin, like what is happening underneath the layer of dirt, something in me is growing. Even though ice and worry keeps both the greens under my feet and the seed in me from breaking through completely, i begin to form. I have done things to sabotage myself for years, a protection, away of controlling the outcome even if it is failing. I have failed myself often, i give my all to other people- i love to see people sore, shone, fly and even though i have played the film inside the walls of my heart over and over again of actually trying to fly myself. I somehow never seem to put that much energy, encouragement, i just do not give myself what i need to succeed.

I am forming, i need to give myself the chance to fully bloom and all the risks that come with it will be no worse than not actually do it. Today i stared at the horse above and as a mix of wind and sun blew it's beautiful mane, i remember wanting to feel the wind in my hair, from somewhere high or breathing in moment that you know you made it happen.

So tonight i am writing myself a plan, steps, words, films and music anything i need to get my feet running. when the ice melts, i will be ready.

p.s. i am the happiest i have ever been,, having Poet in my life.  all of me has gone into securing her future here on the hill and now recognizing that i depleted some parts of me that need to be refilled.

10 comments:

Juliana said...

Beautiful words. The photo of the horse is so full of life, it makes me want to reach out and wrap my arms around it's neck.

Sharon de Jager said...

There is beauty and also heartache in the truth.

KAM said...

beautifully expressed feelings and thoughts. All you need is there waiting for the "plow" to turn the soil and unearth those pieces of life ready to take root and fully bloom painting new pictures on the canvas of your life. Poet will be so blessed to walk with you as the wind blows through your hair and each of you open as beautiful flowers. I so appreciate sharing this journey with you. Namaste...Kristin

cloudgathererholdmedown said...

oh gosh, your heart is a poem. I think all of our lives are a continuous growing into and out of ourselves. a series of rebirths and shedding old skins.

Cody said...

just beautiful- something in your words stirs something in my bones as well. thank you.

Sweet Life Farm said...

The imagery of the wind and sun playing in the palomino’s mane, beautiful; the stirring of your soul coming forth from hibernation so beautiful and moving. These same thoughts stirred within me this weekend (though I did not take them further than a nap in the sunshine in the hammock). I am curious and imagine what plan you designed for yourself. Once again, your words are just the nourishment my soul needed, thank you.

elizabeyta said...

beautiful words. do what you need to do to replenish. with a small person around it is sometimes hard to find what that is. sometimes it is a quiet cup of tea for me or ten minutes at my sewing machine or spinning wheel.

blessings,

elizabeyta

Domenico said...

I believe how you describe yourself in the fourth sentence will be the very reason why you will be an exemplary mother. Here at my school I see so many parents wrecking the very spirit that makes their children so special. I see a ridiculous amount of selfishness, and no regard for the life they chose to bring into this world some 17 years ago. I am all for replenishing yourself you sweet, sweet lady, but don't you ever doubt your loving nature.

Domenico said...

I believe how you describe yourself in the fourth sentence will be the very reason why you will be an exemplary mother. Here at my school I see so many parents wrecking the very spirit that makes their children so special. I see a ridiculous amount of selfishness, and no regard for the life they chose to bring into this world some 17 years ago. I am all for replenishing yourself you sweet, sweet lady, but don't you ever doubt your loving nature.

dervla said...

oooh that horse is just gorgeous ... those eyes are so wise. Take some time for yourself, and I'm so happy that Poet makes you happy. I know that's not her real name, but i love it!!