when you live a dream

can i take a moment to explain myself or to myself

a few years ago life seemed pretty good, a very successful job doing what i love the coolest place to live in the city with a yard to make anyone jealous, a raw diet figure, hair and skin, k and my two kind, gentle and faithful companion jacob and porter. without notice porter got sick and died no time for one last camping trip or swim in the lake, i was devastated and i noticed a shift in me. not wanting to leave jacob alone i started to except less and less contracts, except less invitation and eventually never leave home for long- if at all. we did manage to take him to berkshire camping but on new years day i lost him too- life had become and bearably cruel our two companions died within three months-k and i could not understand how our family of four(yes they are dogs i do understand but there was more loss as well at the time) was now of two very broken people. i froze, i broke down i surrendered and walked away from all of it except for k but all the rest- the career, the healthy life style the great place to live, hopes and dreams.

it took years, yes years kevin was patient, no, he was darn right heroic for putting up with my silences, my daily melancholy. we brought sophie into our life and some of the pain began to desapate, then grace and a new home slowly but surely i must be getting better? but i was told they were just distractions from the hurt, the fear of loosing even more. i did begin to learn, then one day after many days, months one step and then another i found myself living a dream, my dream? somehow i got better. somehow in death a road was chiseled through the wall i had put up, somehow my darkest experience led me to my dream life.

the last few days i have been asking myself are you living it nadia, are you in the moment? is this it? if this was happening to someone else i would be the first one to point out YOU ARE LIVING A DREAM. i am aren't i, i guess i thought everything would have to be perfect for a dream to come true but no, a dream can happen even when things are not so perfect.

*the pictures above made me happy, have not taken good ones in a while but i like these- and those are my first three duck eggs-the picture of one of the apple trees in bloom( did i tell you that the farm was once an orchard) see a dream!

ann marie's "the things i love today"

have you met ann marie, have you been swept by the poetic way of her pen and photographs well i have. here is her loves

1. when my pen hits the paper and it cannot be stopped for hours and hours

2. how a slice of warm homemade bread with delicious raspberry jam can calm the heart

3. watching the sky change throughout the day: this morning was a wonderful gray, this afternoon a cheery blue

4. listening to friends sing and make instruments sing

5. my first garden soaking up the sun on our little patio

6. reading poetry line by line, then word by word

7. wearing my great-grandmother's apron while making more bread because i already ate the first loaf

8. day-dreaming about how good it feels to be alive, to be a sentient being

9. antique books with yellowed pages from the touch of another human being

10. feeling a storm move through me, cleansing my heart and soul

ann marie
"i am an age old tree. i am stars in white snow."

*if you would like to be part of this weekly feature "the things i love today" please email me!

happiness in a walk

today i spend the day with my love k. it was perfect. we walked and made discoveries of a farm that once was. the sun and shade on our walk was welcoming. there was little wild flowers that made my heart happy, the harvested corn fields glistened in the sun. i felt a live, i felt lucky and love for my life companion.

for candice

may heaven open it's arms and dance with you and may all those who have gone
before you recognize you by your grace.

the things i love today

lately there is sunshine and not just the kind that is up in the sky but little things that make me happy. i thought i would list them and if you care to join that would be great just send me in an email and i would like to dedicate a post a week!

the things i love today

the colorful seed packets and the growing seedlings in the window
the smell of my blooming gardenia all over the house
the morning bowl after my chores of yogurt apricots and almonds
the fact that my amaryllis took so long to bloom, but happily it begins to bloom in our new home
the yellow little table found in a book store with the hint of red makes it that much sweeter
the sound of the river and the sound of all the birds around here a true symphony
the fresh eggs the hens give me
the fresh bread brought over by a friend
the fact that we all love our new home, specially tolstoy, sophie and grace

*my neighbor brought us over another surprise or two or nine? i will tell you soon!

sunday by the sea (part 2)

so i will admit it when close enough i will peek through windows. look what i saw when i peeked through this one these tiny men they are so fantastic dust and all.

sunday by the sea (part 1)

it has been a little while since k and i escaped "sans animaux", we found ourselves going to wickford a seaside town just ten minutes from us. I have written about it before. we grabbed our coffees, camera around walked around the little village. we perused a book store, and asked about the bench in the window, we found the perfect little yellow table, walked to the water, talked with shop owners and peeked into backyards. what i love the most about the time k and i spent together is that we know each other, whether it is the glance we give to each other when a shop keeper likes the sound of her voice to much, or when we point out a book that the other might like or when we look through vacant shop windows and say this would be perfect. all those things make me very happy that i married to k and that he does not mind walking around with two cups of coffee a purse when i just have to take that picture!

when the light calms your soul

out house

the little building that you see used to be in out house that seats two their was eight girls in the family you can see why a double was needed! it has been restored and in a few days i will have it ready for some chickens and perhaps a rooster that will serve as our alarm clock. it has been sunny and warm here i hope where you are too( all though i wish a tad cooler).

a glimpse at a new life

hi everyone, i have been behind in posting but so much has gone on in just a week. we have moved into our new place WE LOVE IT. we lost our bridge and our home became in island for a while so no trucks could come to install the musts( internet, phone). I have not taken many pictures of our new place because their is so much to be done and so many distractions. for all those who emailed me thank you so much, your words played out like pick me ups through all the stress that comes from moving and being somewhat stranded! i will answer a few questions that you have been asking.

Tolstoy is with us, he is loving grazing on green grass and meeting some new friends.
we live on forty acres in a old farm house that has been completely refurbished( boo hoo, i love the old) but k is loving that heat will not be a factor! we will be putting in addition that will use some old material from the original structure!
we have fourteen ducks and i am loving them! they lay black and blue eggs in the winter and blue in the summer
on the farm their is icelandic cows four of them
many horses, ponies, donkeys, goats, baby doll sheep, pigs and chickens and i could not be more happy about it!
we share the property with the owner who live up on the hill, they are so kind and full of life!
the land is surrounded with ten thousand acres of state park- and- yes it is heaven!

hope you are well.
*that is nicholas the sweetest little boy ever, my felting and farm buddy at easter!
*the horse is mickey he walks wherever he wants and lays in between the dogs
* the goat was rescued on saturday very thin hence i named her twiggy she thinks she is a dogs and follows us everywhere

wedding season has begun

i have some good ones this year