room at the inn

i have just come back from running errands, roads are a mess. another storm is coming.

i am tucked in the house now, the sweet sound of violin plays from the radio. the smell of curry

perfumes the house as the soup cooks on the stove top. i am dreaming of a different kind of happiness, i have confused you with this line i am sure. i can not put a finger to it, or find the right words to tell you how much i wish for children. I am working at it, we are, oh that  might sound funny, does it? it as if i am preparing for two scenarios so different from one and another, one as mother and the other as the world traveller i used to know.

i think i shall take a few small trips in the next few months, where shall i go, do you have room at the inn for me.....

when you get lost in the forest and learn something about yourself

sunday k and i decided to go snow shoeing. as you know we live on fifty acres but in the middle of hundred thousand acres of state forest, trails right from our backyard. it was a beautiful mild sunny day as we headed out, we had planned to take the short trail, the one i ride the horses around. what we did not plan for is that all the trails would be non existent, buried in at least three feet of snow and heavy branches that have fallen on most of the paths. we kept going, ducking under trees, climbing hills.  taking lefts and rights and going straight till we clearly understood we had somehow got en ourselves lost. i head shed my hat, gloves and fleece by this point and feeling  silly that we did not bring any direction device such as a compass or gps. the problem with k and i is, none of us simply would say "well lets retrace out steps", in life i as much as possible never go down the same street twice and when k and i hike the mountains out west we nearly never double back since we both like discovering and seeing  a new place.

...so we kept going, somewhere between the quiet panic and the fact i was ready to shed every piece of clothing i had( the days prior  having had a fever) i simply was able to calm down and think straight. as we started to go down and deep incline, logic set in and i realized that if we are headed down deep someway and at one point or  an other we would be heading towards town. I was proud of my sense of direction, since i am terrible at reading maps, i knew we would be all right and started to enjoy the sunny sky and the gorgeous winter forest. i love how my gut instinct kicked in, if you are wondering about k and his sense of direction lets just say he can read a map like no ones business but instincts, well i am pretty sure we would be one with the trees by now:)!

the snow in me

it has been snowing for a while now, they say big storm is coming. the flakes have been so large and soft. i love it very much, and i know i have said that a lot. i am not sure what it is, here on the farm with rolling pastures, stone walls it easy to know why, but i have always been like that. i think it reminds me of me, when i lived at home, montreal canada. i remember all the snow then. the snow high walls down our walk way, the igloos we made. tobogganing or skating on beaver lake and cross country skiing at the arboretum. i remember my winter coat and furry hat of my youth so much so it feels as if they hang in my closet still.. i think the snow makes me feel at home, safe in the memories.

i am not going to rush it, never will i. for the silent of a winter snow fall reminds me of the happy sounds of my childhood, yet it is also so much a part of what is happening now.

* i apologize for the wet lens, snow was falling pretty steady.

brighter still

come a little closer, i am going to have whisper this whole post. i think that path you see right up there in the corner is leading me to some place wonderful. shh not to loud now. i have fallen in love with january, i know those who know me will say but you have always been in love with january and that is true, this time it is different, yes, absolument. it is as if january and i have collaborated, somehow together we are twirling in the snow and the warmth light of winter afternoons. i have secretly placed wishes in the snow covered stones, i have written promises to myself on black walls. i have read things that people who have lived hundreds of years before me put on paper, and yet they feel as they are my own and i have taken them with me to bed, under down felt comforters i have read under moonlight, my life has been made brighter and i know will be brighter still, just wait...

the woods

a walk in the woods, i can do this forever. i like how i feel in the woods, i like how the trees look under snow. i go in to see things clearer yes that is true but today i came out wanting to be a tree.

winter renewal

i feel renewed after a snow fall as if a second chance has been given. i had a list of things i wanted to accomplish but instead off putting it on paper, i wrote it on the walls of my mind. as the days progressed, like accidentally erasing parts of the chalkboard with my sleeve- i forgot what some of the list was. i have been living in the moment, of course that is great but it also comes with a price. lazy days admiring all the little things does not leave much room for the larger ones. weddings are booked all them promising to be inspiring. a few pictures and words have been published in a book, i am grateful for that. i help write and support legislation for animal rights and that too underway. accepting sponsors this is a big one- i am so picky i do not like moving things on my blog, things i have never tested, but a lovely group is starting to form.

the big things i have not had time for, maybe because i am scared to fail is the the state parks photo/video documentary, the baby making/adoption( terrified), the simplifying of stuff( could have sworn i did it:). the commitment to friends far away to visit and weight loss( a raw foodist once now i get fat in the winter!) than there is the new dreams that are taking shape. the snow fall lifts me and as the sun shines on the white landscape i feel as if things are getting brighter.

k.

today catching the end of sense and sensibility i heard this phrase "i could never be with anyone else because my heart has always been yours" a few days ago while at my mothers house in montreal i was organizing things in the basement when i came across pictures and letters from my past. i spotted one written by k. written at a time of uncertainty, a time when "i needed to find myself" he wrote me a letter telling me; he would wait, not to give up hope, that he would take care of me and that his heart would always belong to me and that he loved me completely.

he has shown me in actions this everyday and i know how lucky i am that he never gave up on me and how wonderful it is to have my heart filled with his love and my love for him.

*heard this song "just breathe" eddy vedder on my drive.

old montreal and a sugaring off festival

we where in montreal for less than twenty four hours but managed to get a trip to old montreal, enjoy an outdoor festival, taste some maple on snow, stop at olive gourmand for some carrot mango and coconut soup with grilled sourdough and a delicious mocha. Stopped in at alocal shop to warm up our fingers and try some smile inducing hats!! we will be going back this weekend for round number two!

the femininity of winter (part deux)

she often stops and stares at the bluejay, he is aggresive but so beautiful. she watches him fly all around her, she is convinced she could befriend it. perhaps if she sewed a nest of lace and fed it shimmering things he would keep her company on her journey.