can i take a moment to explain myself or to myself
a few years ago life seemed pretty good, a very successful job doing what i love the coolest place to live in the city with a yard to make anyone jealous, a raw diet figure, hair and skin, k and my two kind, gentle and faithful companion jacob and porter. without notice porter got sick and died no time for one last camping trip or swim in the lake, i was devastated and i noticed a shift in me. not wanting to leave jacob alone i started to except less and less contracts, except less invitation and eventually never leave home for long- if at all. we did manage to take him to berkshire camping but on new years day i lost him too- life had become and bearably cruel our two companions died within three months-k and i could not understand how our family of four(yes they are dogs i do understand but there was more loss as well at the time) was now of two very broken people. i froze, i broke down i surrendered and walked away from all of it except for k but all the rest- the career, the healthy life style the great place to live, hopes and dreams.
it took years, yes years kevin was patient, no, he was darn right heroic for putting up with my silences, my daily melancholy. we brought sophie into our life and some of the pain began to desapate, then grace and a new home slowly but surely i must be getting better? but i was told they were just distractions from the hurt, the fear of loosing even more. i did begin to learn, then one day after many days, months one step and then another i found myself living a dream, my dream? somehow i got better. somehow in death a road was chiseled through the wall i had put up, somehow my darkest experience led me to my dream life.
the last few days i have been asking myself are you living it nadia, are you in the moment? is this it? if this was happening to someone else i would be the first one to point out YOU ARE LIVING A DREAM. i am aren't i, i guess i thought everything would have to be perfect for a dream to come true but no, a dream can happen even when things are not so perfect.
*the pictures above made me happy, have not taken good ones in a while but i like these- and those are my first three duck eggs-the picture of one of the apple trees in bloom( did i tell you that the farm was once an orchard) see a dream!
