Wednesday, July 29

dissapearing kindness



It has been a long while, i never meant it to be. I had hoped to fill these pages with Poet and her wonderfullness, because there is so much of it. I hope to do so shortly but i must just write what my heart is asking me to write but know dear friends if you are still there, i have an incredible life and all these months that have passed have been filled with happiness more than anything else.

I am sitting upstairs above my cafe, shop and market, life has changed i have added these things to my days, it has cost me a lot, not reffering to money but it has given me alot once again i am not reffering to money. It has until very recently been were all my energy and drive has gone. Oh gosh even as i type this i feel this malencholy ache for where i left off the simple life that was Poet and i on the hill. It is fragmented now and we are everywhere and being pulled in so many directions. temporary i say,  balance will come yet there is no complaint here all is as it must be for the future of what i hope it to  be.

I have had some of the kindest moments and experiences this past winter and spring and they helped me move forward and keep focus. I have also heard kind words and the worst all in one opening of mouth. My heart has soared and felt a tare on the same day. I have lost my balance, fallen, picked myself up all within minutes. It easy to blame others, well maybe not so easy- i am good at taking blame, it is safer, more bareable. My shoulders ache,  my neck aches i blamed it on all the false shade ( airconditioning) maybe it is something else, maybe it is the dissapearing kindness from those i love but maybe it is dissapearing because i have emptied....


photograph of  a place i stayed early summer in the south of france (hosting a workshop)


9 comments:

Sarah said...

Dearest Nadia,
Oh, I was so happy when I saw that there was a new post from you! I have missed them terribly. Of course, I follow along on instagram but I miss the vulnerable, honest and beautiful words you used to share here. Please come back here more regularly. ♥

Being hurt by people we love is probably one of the worst hurts to feel. There's always that unrelenting question of "why...why would they do this to me?" I've just come to realize that some people aren't happy unless they can have that power over you. Although, I know in their hearts they must be deeply sad and hurt themselves.

Let the kind words and the kind people be the ones that carry you along. xo

Anonymous said...

What about the kindness of strangers? Think about it. Poet is still by your side, right? Your post got me worried although I don't know you. Rely on the kindness of strangers, just like Blanche would. And take good care of the little one. Love from France, XX Fr.

annton beate Schmidt said...

it is so good to read you and see signs of you around. poet seems to be growing lovelier by the minute, but it was you I was asking myself about. is she alright? you probably are. life simply takes a lot out of us, gives back and takes again. and sometimes, we are just tired, tired, tired. it takes a lot of rest to fill the bucket up back again. and a lot of silence. and then, suddenly kindess reemerges!

Dayle said...

Nadia, so nice to see your email pop into my Inbox this morning. I'm glad you're enjoying life, for the most part. I find it is sprinkled with goodness and sadness and the best we can do is remain steady ourselves.

You're in what I call the "busy years." How well I remember them in my own life. Balance is hard to find, but, and I say this in all kindness, please make balance a priority. These years zip by and the little ones grow so swiftly, the season of childhood so brief.

Your cafe and market sounds like a place I'd love to visit and enjoy. I've seen pics on Instagram and it looks like perfection.

All the best to you and yours,
Dayle

Sweet Life Farm said...

Tears, beautiful one, I wish that the emptying is so that you may be refilled; the ebb and flow of this life. Oh, how I've missed the shady comfort of your words.

KAM said...

I think about you and Poet often...lovely to hear your voice on the page this day. All the pieces, high and low, sweet and tart mix together to make the one beautiful life we each live. It will always be my delight to read of the things you are doing, or simply to hear you call out a sweet hello as you did today.
Always I hold you in the light and carry sweet images of you as the days move forward.
Namaste,
Kristin

Anna said...

Lovely Nadia. I have been following your and Poet's moments on instagram and they are absolutely beautiful. Remember to always be kind to yourself!

Domenico said...

Missed this place terribly... are you and K okay? Many prayers and positive thoughts sent your way.

Elizabeth@ Pine Cones and Acorns said...

How wonderful to see you back! I have loved your writing and photos for years and always love seeing you and reading what you are up to.

Happy New Year.