the next sunrise

i am looking back at the last twelve months, that is what we do at the very end of december. I am glancing over some things that have become less opaque as months have gone by. i live my life believing that there is one beginning and one end, being born and dying and what is in between those two things is as vast and complexe, beautiful, scary and breathtaking as earth itself.

There is always a temptation to press the reset, when the calendar changes to 01-01 but i have this other belief that everyday that the sunrises is the possibility of a new beginning. I did that many times this year and there has never been a year that i learned so much about myself, human nature, the failure of the gut, the re emerging of a gut, the heartbreak of loss and the joys of new discoveries. I am richer today, my soul uncluttered by things that weighed so much and had no value. I worked hard to stud my next twelve months with things i can count on, with substance and value but it those things i can not see that keeps me moving forward, it is believing that all is possible.

This last day of december was the most poignant, it brought me to the door of one of the biggest possible human experiences and in a short few days, i will leap and if i fail i will wait for the sun to rise again, tomorrow.

winter's day and wishes.

i am sitting at the kitchen table, sun shines through enough to warm me where i sit. the fire is burning, the smell of pine is all about the house. On the stove top tea kettle begins it's boil and potatoes with garlic from the garden are in the cast iron skillet a craving on this christmas eve morning.

I am filled, i think my cup runneth over with good people, dear ones,  the life changing kind, that has not happened before. I am reserved in away, a solitary creature, i have walls so high, i started building them at the age of five. Yet this morning i can not help but to reflect on the kindness and meaningful exchanges that have taken place this year. I want to name those people here, i do, i want to share with everyone my gratitude for true friendships yet i also know that i must pen my thoughts and seal them in the envelop and send them to be carried my post men so that they can be read when the time is right.  I also feel lucky for all the exchanges here on the blog, all the friendships that grew and the kind insights that have been given, thank you dear readers.

the sun is bright and it is as a winter day should be. Wishing you happiness and if you find yourself solitary yet wanting to not be, there is place for you here always.

This song i am still finding traces of myself in it as i did here.

with kindness,

nadia.

spirit in a storm

hi, how are you. I am good, i feel happy. it is friday and little signs of holiday cheer begin to fill the house.  a wind and rain storm came to the hill last night and stayed, today i could hear trees fall in the forest as horses bolted across the fields, such power in both sounds. I had to walk against the rain and wind to recconect the horse lines to post, i could barely manage it, how is it the ducks and chickens just sit there while giant trees get moved around and the weight of me begins to feel feather light, a wonder.

there is pine in the house and it hangs from every window, i found in me a deeper breath, i had taken too many shallow ones and now i slowly come back to life:).  there will be many trips to boston and a trip to montreal in the next week. I hope to bake and make soups, listen to good music, take long walks and hope fully play in snow and a string instrument ( hope).

Okay i must go collect more wood and feed the fire, hope you are warm and that you find your go to space if things get to hectic for you. i will write again, i think soon.

Happy Solstice.

Tuscany Italy, registration opens today ( update sold out)

Hi there, wanted to let you know that registration for our workshop Food Culture Exploration through food & lifestyle photography in Tuscany, Italy opens this morning at 9 am eastern time, go here to register, we hope to see you there!

UPDATE: our workshop sold out in minutes we feel both happy and honoured that you will be joining us. For those who would like to be part of a mailing list for upcoming workshops please go here, thank you!

* the above pictures are from two markets in the Dordogne region of France i visited last fall, i can not express to you how i fell in love with this couple. ( more about them and of France to come, after the holidays)

waiting for snow

i am waiting, that is what i have been doing. minutes, hours and days slip through slowly, yet a feeling of things moving quickly are also being felt. I am waiting for snow to fall, there has been none in fact since i have moved to vermont and this being my second winter there has been no snow, the planet is changing it's layers putting on new clothing to adapt to the rising heat and i don't like it.

There is no sign of holiday's here in the house and i keep telling myself to go out there and forage and bring back some pine, but in a time when i  hope for new life- taking any kind of  life seems unkind and i can not seem to do it, in fact a huge grey birch tree fell inches from the coop and house and as i cut into it yesterday i was filled with sorrow, the hypocrisy i feel writing this down for i burn wood to heat my house daily, life a delicate entanglement of wants versus needs. There is a huge branch of evergreen that fell because of it, perhaps i will simply string that along in the house or on the barn doors. you must think i have no spirit, i have asked that myself to myself and the timing of the holidays is mixing in with something much more pressing in my life and i am consumed by it, yet i stay quiet and still not to fully grasp what is coming. as i write this i know i must go out there and get that piece of green, i must fill the house with good spirit for in turn it will fill me.

I did go for a beautiful walk this morning, hence the photographs above. warm rain and fog kept me company, i explored the pond, writers shack the walnut grove, apple orchard and then entered the forest. i love it here, in fact this just might be (is) my favorite place on earth and the happiness i feel here i have never felt elsewhere.

nature of me

i am good at it, good at staying quiet when my insides scream. i am good at letting things roll off me even though they somehow end up inside of me. I am good at not pretending to pretend. i am good and believing it is my fault when it is not. i am bad at speaking when my insides are screaming, i am bad as i  keep things in when i should let them roll off of me. i am bad for taking the blame when you are in the wrong.

somehow things work themselves out, somehow there is fog and rain, sun and snow in one day. sometimes i am four seasons, i grow and shed, change and bloom all in on hour that is the nature of me and i am finally realizing some of it i can not change and some of it i no longer feel the need to change. i am i, like wool is wool.

I like this song for in it i recognize the quietness behind the screams, the static between two feelings.

in these things, i am reminded..

for all the times i talk about what i do not take for granted there is many that i do and sometimes just being away for a few days can remind you  how incredibly well the small everyday things can feed and nourish you. today has been just that, whether it was when bringing in the wood early this morning and litghting the match against the cold air, or having tea in my own cup or how this music pouring out from the speakers made me stop and look out the window just when the horses began to trot or how when i opened the door was showered with big huge furry dogs who jump and rub and play and remind me that loneliness is but a second of fleeing weakness for they love as well as anyone or how in my inbox a well written letter makes you ponder and fills me with hope.

it is in the these everyday little things that i am reminded how big and beautiful my life is.

Food Culture Exploration through food & lifestyle photography in Tuscany, Italy

Aran Goyoaga and I will be teaming up for a workshop in Vinci, Tuscany where we will explore the local food culture and learn to tell a story through a camera. We will be staying at the Agriturismo Cantagrillo surrounded by the Chianti hills overlooking the Montalbano and Vinci, the town where Leonardo da Vinci was born.

In this 5-day workshop, we will visit local artisans and markets, learn food styling and photography basics, how to shoot on location, manipulating light, and telling a visual story of food and people.

To register simply go to our online shop Food & Lifestyle Photography at 9:00 am eastern time on the 20th of December, 2012 ( please feel free to get familiar with the shop now)

you can also join us on twitter

When: May 5-9,2013
Where: Vinci, Tuscany, Italy
How many students: limited to 8
How much: The workshop fee is $2,250 (double occupancy) and $2,350 (single occupancy) and includes:

• 4 nights at Agriturismo Cantagrillo
• 3 days of technical and practical instruction with on-location shoots
• 1 full day of sightseeing and exploring the area
• 4 breakfasts
• 4 lunches
• 4 dinners
• Transportation to our workshop activities (it does not include airfare).
• Snacks and refreshments during workshop hours.
• Deposit: $1125 – due once registration is confirmed. Final Payment of $1125 due March 15, 2013.

There will be no refunds for this workshop – please know you can make it before your registration.

Registration will open on December 20th, 2012 at 9:00am EST. Please go here to register.

Agriturismo Cantagrillo, Vinci, Tuscany

Day 1 (Sunday): Welcome at Agriturismo Cantagrillo

Dinner at Agriturismo

Day 2 (Monday): Day spent at agroturismo with technical lesson and demos

Breakfast

Morning workshop and cooking session at home. Discussion and introduction: Aran will discuss her philosophy on food styling and photography. The basics of food styling, composition, and photography. Understanding aperture, exposure, and shutter speed. Shooting RAW. Practice styling and shooting simple ingredients, selecting the best lenses to get the job done,understanding and manipulating light, choosing best angles, and selecting props.

Afternoon group cooking and photo shoot.​

Dinner at agriturismo il Vincio (5 min by foot from Cantagrillo)

Day 3 (Tuesday): Exploration of food and people: visual storytelling

Breakfast

Morning: Take a trip to a local pasta maker's shop and watch them how to make hand rolled pasta.

or a cheesemaker

Afternoon: Visit a farm or vineyard.

Dinner: cook dinner as a group at agroturismo

Day 4 (Wednesday): Market day and styling a farm to table lunch

Breakfast

Morning session:  Trip to farmers' market. Pistoia.

Afternoon session:  Styling and photographing a summer country picnic. Storytelling through food and props. 

dinner TBD

Day 5 (Thursday): Sightseeing

Visit a olive oil mill Olio Montalbano

Visit a chocolate makerr Slitti 

Visit a wine producer Tenuta Di Capezzana

Visit a ceramic producer Montelupo

this itinerary is subject to change due to weather, added  or changed makers visits but experience will remain as wonderful.

* image one  & Last  are by the lovely Emanuela Roncari
image four is photographed by  the talented Tracy Ayton and styled by me,

can i tell

can i tell you about my days, can i tell you the small details that accumulate and fill the space of time, would that be okay? there so many little moments through out my day and even though i just asked if i could tell you, i realize how much there would be to write and i am not the best of writers. Instead can i tell you that right now i am sitting on the floor by the fire with my back to the couch my laptop resting on my thighs  tea cup to my side and music pouring out of my speakers. The sun is behind thick clouds but  still manages to create such a beautiful light.

Can i tell you that even though there is so much to think about, i have finally found a way to quiet my mind, not rush to get to a place i do not know. can i tell you that i have added some more things to my daily routine/rituals like holding a pencil in my hand and writing a few things that have trouble being said or written any other way and how i am doing push ups, gosh that sounds so harsh in contrast to what i usually say here but such a quick stress reliever and brings me a sense of calm. hands flat on the wooden floor, my weight resting on them as i move towards it and then push against it, move towards it, push away from it.

can i tell you that i took a long walk today and i touched the bark on trees and scooped the greenest of moss, it felt nice to feel these things,  to feel things in your hands.  right now the winter sun is coming in and that is nice on my skin, and the piano playing is also lovely. i am calm and that is unexpected.

evergreen

this morning the alarm went off upstairs as i was already walking about downstairs. the kettle whistled as the sun began to pierce through the sky, fog and warm air crept up the hill. there would be a morning ride through the green mountains, a ritual for the soul that seeks to see more.  wet thick snow
quickly melting, fog so solid that slowing down is a must.  I looked out at all this,  more than everything else it was the evergreens that held my attention. i love them most of all against winter's backdrop,  as i say this the smell that comes from camping underneath them on hot summer day is equally pleasant to remember.

 Yesterday was one of those days that you stay in your wool socks and comfy clothes, that you listen to only things that make you feel safe and talk about only kind things, or maybe hardly talk at all. yesterday tears fell randomly all through out the day but more like burst of sun showers than ones that stem from sad things, i am happy, i am dizzy, i am learning and i am so grateful for your kind comments and emails.

....as i made it through the beautiful mountain landscape that i call home, i sat in a cafe and sipped  a beautiful prepared mocha and played the best chess game ever. then i drove back towards the hill as the sky, the delicate sun and fog made the whole journey feel as if i was looking through rose coloured glasses,  the truth is i often do even on those dark days.