taking a time

dear friends, i am hoping you had a lovely weekend. I spent mine in montreal and i had a good time.
I am on the hill and a cold air brought some snow flakes, nothing will land but it is odd by tonight it will be seventy degrees colder than just a few days ago. I am very okay with that since, i always felt  like i could use a little more winter.

I am going to have to take time away from the blog. I have a few personal matters that need attention, yet my biggest reason is the fact that i simply have spent to much time on the machine as of late. I have wanted to sit with a pen and paper and finish letters to send with packages for to long now that i must make it a priority. i have been thinking a lot and many of these thoughts are brand new and others were of the me i had forgotten about, both those things have made me happy and hopeful. i also came across this short video on vibeke beautiful blog and found myself in tears, it made me want to understand the reason why i reacted to it so powerfully. some wonderful acts of kindness have been happening to me as well and i found myself feeling anxious  what is it in me that deserves this and what in me feels like i dont. so you see lots of thinking.

also do you remember that fall i took a few months ago were i made myself my own sling to hold my elbow, well it turns out that i did damage it pretty bad and i need to have it fixed. being here on the farm trying to do the things i need to do with one arm was not an option but now i realize that i might have made a mistake in waiting so i am hoping to do all  the things require two arms in the few days before heading to dr. to have it taken care of.

i have done a lot of driving in the last few weeks and just in the last thirty six hours. i like being in the car
and call it my think tank and i am glad that i had some space away form internet, telephone and other machine distractions that i just want to take a little more time. i started to think where do people get their alone time. i never see anyone walking without looking down at their phone, or dinning without it, it seems like we have forgot to be comfortable with silence, i was guilty with that these past weeks( i have no cell phone-i know shocking) but i very much was  connected to the internet, perhaps not having my camera made me more depended on the net or simply i had forgotten how beautiful it was to be alone with my own thoughts.

see you around the first week of april and please know how grateful i am that you visit me.

a decade of being elle

there is this girl that has a big piece of the pie when it comes to my love, if not the biggest.

her heart is so kind and gentle. see sees the world very much the way i see it

she notices all the little things and makes them special. she is so talented and picks up everything

on the first try. she can work a camera so wonderfully that soon she will be teaching me.

she is kind to all creatures and all creatures adore her. she has a sweet tooth and is not afraid of baking the most complex of recipes. 

I love my nature walks with her, i love hiding with her in the dark behind trees waiting for deer to emerge, or discovering a fisher cat high up in a tree and running back for binoculars, she has incredible patience.  

I love that she in ten today, because ten i remember and it felt special. I will be going to montreal to celebrate her birthday this weekend, we will go boulangerie & patisserie hopping, old montreal for picture taking (she received her very own camera this morning) and china town for dinner.

happy birthday elle, you are the loveliest.

*elle is my niece

the hen house, a call from a friend and the pond

 the weekend was hard, the good kind of hard work. Our goal was to make the Coop into two sections, one for the hens and one for the rooster. trip to hardware stores, farm stores and then we started. K and i thinking about things as we went, which as you know can take much longer, create more problems but we moved through it. Saturday night finally arrived  as i came in i received a phone call from a friend, in this call came such an act of kindness. i was overwhelmed and that became what most of my thoughts for the rest of the weekend went to, how someone could be so good to me and if i am deserving of this kindness. ( i promise to share soon). Sunday what we thought would be just a few more hours of work turned into a full day once again, poor k weekend was consumed in making my hens happy and in turn making me happy. sunday evening we showered then headed to the market, just what we needed and came home and  prepared a meal and watched a movie as we did this K said would you like me to take a day off tomorrow, oh YES please.(he never, ever takes a day off imagine my excitement)

Monday i woke up extra early so i could finish without having to ask k for help. then we headed into the city for a coffee and to the grain store. came home and decided that we must go for a walk, did i mention that it was in the eighties and that we had the windows open, the weather surreal. as we were almost out the door i ran in to grab my camera k turned and said why are you bringing it when it has stopped working, i told him i just wanted to and maybe she would wake up but truth is it is habit i can not break, maybe even while clicking empty clicks she helps me see. we walked through the forest, k hoping to see a bear, i hoping not to:) then grace ran to the pond and we knew that she was going to jump in and we went to the pond and there she played and swam and then sophie joined her, i sat at the edge of the water as the dogs took turns  splashing me and thanked the sky for the lovely extra day, it was perfect and my camera although she was not able to take a hundred pictures i had snapped on that walk she managed to give me a few that captured the essence of my hearts content.

today i woke up to my daffodils blooming, imagine that happy spring.

the sounds of spring

dearest readers, i hope you are well. the hill has been as beautiful as ever. we have had the most pleasant weather, march in vermont has been so unusually warm.  i must confess that the lack of snow and cold temperature worries me for i believe that things must die off at winter time and other things must sleep underneath a deep layer of frost for the earth to be truly safe, but i will let these worries rest for now.

can i tell you about the air how mild and gentle it has been, walks with nothing more than a long sleeve shirt. The fire has been kept at a minimum and  feeding the horses in the evening underneath the march moon and star speckled sky has been dream like. the birds of all kinds are flying in and their sounds are so distinctively spring. I wonder will i notice these things for the rest of my life, i hope so.

My camera, my poor camera she is always in and out but i am afraid that once again she is close to closing her shutter for always. (the best camera i have ever had, ever) i will not have funds to replace her just yet and the care of animals will come first of course. i am a little nervous about being without her, what will i do i wonder.  there must be a reason for this and maybe i need to see things differently. maybe there is something else that i must do but again hopefully this will only be temporary. i am okay with it either way.

did i tell you how the air is warm, how this morning when i opened the barn doors clusters of green grass greeted me, the birds sang the song of spring.  i will be working on my gardens, plotting them, starting seedlings and maybe even plant in the ground some hardy varieties and this pleases me. a big garden i have promised myself. 

a cracked window for the heart

 last week with a heavy heart  i drove from one country to another i tried to concentrate on the music and the kids laughter that was coming from the back seat but nothing could stop my heart from aching. so  i drove on, then i saw the driveway that for  many years i had passed by, when i did i would say one day  i will stop and take photographs. well as i came close to it i knew that i had to take this moment. as i did snow started to fall, big beautiful gentle, kind flakes, i could feel the heaviness begin to disappear and realized that this was the window being opened and my heart began to breathe. this has been the way i work through things for as long as i can remember.

* i have combined the photographs with some taken on long walks this week through the forest.

my time in montreal

last weekend i went to montreal where i am from. i had wanted  a few days in the city, traffic lights, cafes, good food and conversation. I got all this and more. saturday was spent in old montreal, the weather was beautiful melting snow filled the roads and the sun was bright. we had a healthy but delicious lunch and Veritas, we went in and out of little shops that seemed to be showering us with gifts. one of the shops Saithong,  gave the kids beautiful carved pens, Merci Jan guy!. In another shop 

Zone Orange gave us cupcakes to go as many as we wanted, thanks Samuel! the whole day did feel as if we where celebrating someone's birthday. I love walking down the cobblestone streets, peaking through alleys and popping into new cafes. later still we went to the ethnic market where the most beautiful lady we have ever seen turned around to my sister and i and said " wow you  are beautiful" haha! honestly we could not speak for truly i think her skin was made of milk and her smile was capable of eating the sun, although i did questions her eye sight:) in the evening we  prepared such a wonderful dinner filled with all our favourites and shared funny stories that involved bad driving, police and fines.

I will be going again this weekend to bring the children home( niece and nephew) and already know what places i will be visiting and dining at.

* elle took  the photograph of the draft horse

when a friend visits the farm, bringing along her little sunshine and book.

a few weekends ago i was preparing for a visit from a friend, Bea who just a few days before released her first cook book. the media & blog world was bursting with admiration for her book, i was excited to have her and her family here but also found myself feeling intimated because what do you cook for someone who makes everything look and taste so wonderful.  I had met bea at her home a year before when aran and i were invited for lunch. the lunch was incredible but it was the ease that Bea prepared the meal for us that was most impressive going from kitchen to table and back again while maintaining a conversation with such grace. I am not so poised at it, so i was nervous but i managed.

Bea,  her husband P. and her daughter lulu arrived just before sunset on sunday. we stood outside as lulu finished her nap in the car , we introduced our spouses, P. was the first "husband" to visit and stay at the farm and he was charming, helpful and funny. when Lulu woke up we headed inside where  Lulu was introduced to the many animals, it took her a while but before you knew it she was becoming more comfortable with them. Lulu is lovely, not only beautiful, a doll- but her vocabulary, wit and knowledge of both english and french  is impressive for any three year old. when you do not have children you quickly realize that the sounds of a child's giggles can fill the house with light.

It was truly great to have them here, we had long breakfast, snacks  & dinners at the farm table chatting away while lulu played, chased and rode the wooden horse. we read books for lulu in bed, i clearly failed the french language as she politely took the book away from me and handed it back to her mum- which truly made me laugh. we took walks through the fields and visited the writers cabin, where lulu and the grown ups played ring around the rosy( that is right kevin i just told the boys at the shop). Lulu held a chicken for the very fist time and i was glad to be a witness to it. I am happy to have had time with Bea not only is she creative, but also beautiful and made even more beautiful by the grace and kind heart she carries within her.

merci bea, P and lulu for spending time with us at the farm.

to see and read a more eloquent post about Bea's time here please visit her blog and this beautiful post.

oh and  getting a signed book delivered by the author to the hill was the icing on the cake- her book is pure sunshine for the eyes, soul and body.

the wind that blows the snow and a weekend away

 the snow did come and it brought some incredible winds, in fact they came from a direction that i have not experienced on the hill. so much wind that the house is having trouble warming up. when it began to fall sophie and i went outside, she loves the snow as much as i.  I also found the young chickens walking in the snow, how the wind does not take them something i often think about, especially when i see little barn swallows sitting on tiny twigs in a blizzard. will i be going snow shoeing, i am afraid not for the snow that has fallen has only accumulated at snow drifts yet snow is still falling so i will  hope for the possibility.

I will be heading to montreal tomorrow for the weekend and i will come back with elle and dylan who will be spending their winter break here on the hill. how i am excited for  few days in montreal and having my niece and nephew hang out with me on the hill.

* oh and i have nine roosters, which is not good thing so i need to find homes for some, this is not easy to say at all but for the well being of all the flock it is for the best. only to a loving (no kill) home. they are so sweet, they truly are.

* sometimes, i feel like i am a "little bit country" with my words & photographs, the city trip is coming at a perfect time.