the women before me.

i live five minutes from  NY state and ten minutes from mass. i am in vermont and every road is country. i take small drives to reflect and clear my head, but what has happened lately is  me slowing down wondering if the farm i see before is functioning. in a time were small hobby farms are being started  and a higher speed then just a decade ago, the larger ones are shutting down.  i often wonder how things come to an end, but this time between gaz and diesel prices,  most farm owners are over seventy years of age and the work never seize to be back breaking even with all the heavy machinery and technology so hence they close.

I have been reading a lot lately about frontier times, pioneers and homesteaders, we were stronger than, sure it was survival but physically our strength and endurance was much different than the people we are today. when i knew i was moving to vermont on a hundred acres of open land,  i instantly made plans in my head, more so i envisioned who i was going to be and what i would do. more i dove into my books more i made plans. what i did not plan on how my productivity level would be different then what i thought. i started to get disappointed in myself, how could i let myself down in such a big way. why was i not able to turn the soil like the woman i have read about, who against all odds did it.  the last few days specially when i could hardly do a thing because a door  handle punched me in the eye on a tornado kinda night leaving it black and blue and with a nausea that lasted for two days i thought how am i so different in my mind than the person i really am. i got down, real down then i realized one can also build up endurance, can they not. there was a time i had worked so hard that people who cared for me had to remind me to drink water or eat, what happened to her and can i get her back. my goal in writing this is to challenge myself, moving here living on my own for the most part i thought my challenges would be weather, shelter, animals it turns out that my biggest challenge will be myself. will i be able to resemble even a fraction of the women i so admire, i hope too.

*spotted this farm not far from where i live, it is quiet and beautiful even in ruin. ( if u clickthe photo, u will see more of it.)

morning on the hill

i was going to write a few things, but i if you do not mind i will share with you something from my journal about morning on the hill.

i shall get up any minute, get up i say to myself and i do. i look out the window above my bed across the pasture to the orchard and the writers cabin, no turkeys today. I run to the other window and there they are tolstoy and splash- we have made it through the night and we are all well. the dogs and i leave my bedroom the cats are outside the door and everyone is trying to make it down the stairs first as if we are secretly having a race. I turn  my espresso machine on as i pass the kitchen on my way to wash my face and brush my teeth. jeans, shirt muck shoes it is time to let everyone out, dogs first, sophie than grace. the chickens and ducks hear me now and they begin to make a racket. i fill all water buckets and feeders and i opened the door for my feathery friends who spill out like water, this scene always makes me laugh and yet it is beautiful. then off i got to feed the horse who are waiting patiently, drop the grain in the bucket and i stand between splash and tolstoy for splash likes to steal from tolstoy, i play with his mane and sing to him our morning song,( i love u and you love me) it is our  thing and he leans his cheek to my lips when i say with a big great kiss. i love this rituals and now i almost hear k laughing but he is miles a way in boston and thinks this singing stuff is funny. i have now carried this ritual  over to the ducks and chickens when i close them in for the night, i sing the same song, poor feathery friends they must endure my voice. i want a cello or a base i tell k. at  jazz night, he simply says perhaps you can play for the animals instead of sing.

before i head in for my mocha and book i pick dandelion greens for the chicken and ducks they love it so and i do it all day long.

* the pictures of sophie and K. are one my favorites i have taken here. k eat his coconut french toast and sophie who never begs, approaches him in a kind manner.

the clearing

how the scenery changes so quickly. it has rained so often and quick that fog seems to  come and go many times daily. when you look out unto the mountains in the fog, it almost looks like the ocean and small islands( japan or hawaii). the other night we went for a walk into the forest till we came to a clearing. it was exactly what i had needed. the air up there was gorgeous it filled my lungs, the view was breathtaking even on a cloudy evening.

that is my bike eggplant, i have had her for over ten years( maybe more). she is not really practical since she is really made for small trips on paved roads but i do care for her.

perfect saturday on the frontier

this weekend, saturday to be more precise was perhaps one of the loveliest days i have had.

k was home, i knew this because when my eyes opened in the morning there he was right next to me

our first full weekend in our new home.  we went out together and did our morning chores, when we came back in i made crepes as i told him about frontier house the pbs special we watched a bit of it, both of us taking it all in knowing that some of what they were living would be our way too.

The sun was out finally and we decided to create a new horse pasture, put in screen windows, clean barn and pick a site for our garden, it was bliss-even though it was work it was humbling and good work, soon the clouds opened up and within a few seconds we were soaked to the bone although it felt more like a reward for our hard work. Later in the evening we were invited to a private dinner and jazz session at a cafe in town, we had such a great time.

i love when work and play balance each other out. I also like when lilacs bloom and your house is filled with their sweet smell.

thursday sun

it is the first morning in a long while that the sun greeted me. I have open the windows wide andthe birds

sing so clearly that i have to look to see if they are not actually in the house, i must find away for you to listen to their song.

 tomorrow i meet k. in boston then he will be home, the first full weekend since our move he will be here, i am  excited to have him home with us. we will do some work, hike, eat, sleep, watch a film and i will be happy in his company.

the beauty of a blooming orchard

when i first vistited our house in vermont, it was a blistery day in february as we turned unto my road i noticed the most perfect trees, well manicured, soon i realized it was an apple orchard. in fact the orchard is the whole one point seven miles to my house, every hill covered. when i moved here may first i wondered when they would begin to bloom. we are high up on a mountain and although everything 

else was blooming the apple blossoms were barely budding. the lilacs were flowering,  i waited patiently. on  a round trip from boston one evening in the pouring rain there i saw -they had began to open. the next morning even though the rain was falling pretty hard i knew i could not take a chance of missing them and took my camera with me.

my photographs will never do this place justice, only half the orchard is blooming and the rain on its third day, still falls. it is the most incredible greeting i get when i pull unto my street.

if only you were here to experience the vast  beauty of a blooming orchard.

* k took the picture of me in the orchard.

forget me knots

i am in love with forget me knots. since i was a little girl i was intrigued by how delicate they are yet how they seem to grow in the most hashes of places. on my way home on the new dirt road i came across several patches. sunday while the rain fell hard i decided to gather some by the roots and see if i can transplant some to grow freely here at home. i also put them in a simple white pitcher and in my flower press for safe keeping.

it is funny how they are called forget me knots for every spring when i come across them i think how could i forgot them, they just might be my favourite spring wild flower, yet dear lily of the valley soon i will say the same about you.

* have  you ever had dandelion and burdock soda, i had not till today.

les oiseaux noir

i have not yet begun placing things in their right place, much work to do outside to protect les animaux.

i am trying to let the house tell me where things go. a craving for simplicity with well made things that come from times past and made with care and old world craftsmanship. 

it is saturday, i am listening to the Opera, it is very dark. aujourd'hui des grands oiseaux noir a pris un de mes canard- une tristesse qui me prend par le coeur. 

k will be home this evening and we plan to go out for dinner so he can watch the bruins play, i hoping for some where cozy but i never seen a television in indian restaurant have you:)

i hope you are well dear readers. 

little by little

little by little i have begun to find my way. all is new, all must be thought out and arranged just so. as my head falls into my pillow in the evening a list of things i must to the next day rushes in and my eyes never close. i am breathing, i stop and remind myself to do so. is it coming that feeling that lets you know you are home. i took a walk and visited the apple orchard, only one of my trees are blooming, she is tiny and weathered but she is lovely. i felt as if her blooms were letting me know that this chapter has started, that now i have begun a new way of living. she reminds me that little steps have brought me far and it is okay to rest them for after all you are home.

the truck

I have not picked up my camera for one, i misplaced my charger but last night a few shots as k and i strolled. slowly i have been recounting our move. la porte rouge is also my journal, i can one day look back  and read my life's passage. I contemplated if i would talk about our move, the physical part- the logistics. please free to skip this part if you would like.

K and i  had changed our plans several times, well more like i changed my mind often emotions taking the better of me i often made decisions based on how i felt and how i do not want to feel. finally we decide that we would get the moving truck Wednesday night, empty my storage unit that i have had for ten years  and stop at the studio to pick up things. we did just that and felt good our plan was headed to a good start even, if it was raining. Arriving home we starting moving boxes from our home into the truck
 and finally stopped because it had begun to storm.

the next morning we started really early packing the truck none stop, getting discourage at how much left to be done. we moved all day long into late night how it possible to have so much stuff. we were do to come right back to get ducks, chickens and let the house cleaners into clean the house for the next person. Finally on the road around ten p.m. we had four hours of driving. K in the huge truck that i am very surprised we do not need a special licence to drive and i in my friends farm van with les chiens est chats.  Sixty miles into our drive on the mass pike ( suicide highway) the very large truck broke down right there on the highway. it took four  hours before roadside assistant came, three am by now they told us that that they would tow it forty miles and give us a new truck WHAT?  there was no way we were going to unload the truck only to unload it again. they agreed to tow us the tree hours to our new home - i was so happy for that. that is until a mile from our new home the tow truck could not make the turn so he abandoned the truck there on the road with everything we owned. It was 6 am, k found a floor to sleep on and i spent hours on the phone with truck company hoping for  quick fix that only came two days later- that is right two days. we could not make it b back to get the feathery friends and the horses were on their way. the van that i had been driving held a few things but somehow no one told us that we could not lock the doors for they would not open again! oh and also i got my friend to open the house for the cleaners that promised me a tip top cleaning, ended up being there for only two hours and took one hundred and fifty dollars and left the house in such a state that new cleaners had to be called and paid for  .( i have always cleaned them myself spend ten hours or more at times, this times i decided that the move was too big and that we would treat ourselves to house cleaners- what a very expensive endeavour it turned out to be, advice do not be charmed by someone who calms your nerves on the phone as says" nadia do not worry my team will have the place like new" my mistake craigslist random.

friday my parents arrived, i felt so bad that they where coming to such chaos yet they where so helpful special for the spirit. the thing i worried about the most was the horses and how i was not there to bring back with the transport, it was the thing i feared the most yet that was the smoothest part of the whole move.

okay i have bored you to death, but i had to write all this down, there was many more crazy things in between, like how we went back for our ducks and chickens and upon arriving home after a four drive i was texted " you forgot a duck" i cried and cried" the duck is safe now but a perfect mother i am not.

*i just like the pic of the birch tree, last night.

a moment in between pause

my dear readers, i am still not able to come back yet. Our move was an adventure, a crazy one.

looking forward to settling in. my parents, elle and dylan visited and they work so very hard, thank you! 

 k. my husband was a super hero, i real life super hero.

my feet are sore, my mind is gone, my heart in disbelief

the view spactacular!

see you soon.

the top pic, alhtough cloudy is what i see when i sit on my couch( i have not sat down yet)