let go, fade, open

the day is grey, it is not complaint in anyway. tomorrow it will snow they say.

i went for  a long drive, i listened to music while my minds voice spoke, it had a lot to say.

sometimes i feel as if my mind describes things that my heart sees, sometimes i would like to tell it to hush, for sometimes i do not want to define a time with words that may make things permanent but instead allow  it to evolve, to change to fade.

today my exhales were long, profound

I am not fading dear readers, a bit of exhaustion, excitement and change has taken much of my time. a dear friend told me how she  has been listening to eckart tolle on you tube and the timing of that has been perfect, for i am in need of focus. i was thinking how a hand can let go instantly with the simple  opening, if only the heart and the mind could instantly do that too.

..and that snow they said would come tomorrow, has come today.

to be lovely

i crave a soft weekend, one of kind words, hand holding, violins and birds.

just realized this is my 1000 post on laporte rouge.

* that is our niece katie, she is lovely, delicate and kind.

the melody of spring

We are expecting a snow storm, somehow mother nature wants to show puxsutawney phil whos the boss:)

I am looking forward to the spring very much, crocuses are blooming and daffodils are on there way.

I have to tell you that today, i went for a drive, finally got the courage to go beyond a very large  private sign on someone driveway to snap a few pictures of the mill- it is red and i have been eyeing it since my move last year, unfortunately my camera battery was drained but i got a few. then with that courage i went to another private driveway and snapped a few of the white cows i have wanted to get close to. 

 dear friends today i felt as if there was music to accompany my  thoughts, positive thoughts. there is changes on there way and i would love to tell you about them but i would rather show you as they happen.

hope you are well, how are you feeling?

* please do not mind header it needs work!

Elle, the love of my life

I have spent the last few hours going through pictures of elle, remembering every moment.
It is her birthday today, she is nine. nine can you believe it dear readers who have been with me for a while now. For days now i have been thinking about her and the world she lives in. I have been thinking about what it is to be a girl right now, a somewhat bittersweet time don't you think for children.

elle is very special, i mean honest to goodness. She already knows how to recognize beautiful on the inside, but i hope that even though she is so, so gorgeous,  i hope that she gets to hear often, how beautiful she is on the inside, i hope she hears what a good heart she has and how compassionate she is. A world full of gadgets, less and less colouring pencils, muddy puddles, deep conversations that is a world i wish  was a little different, that is why i am so happy that she shares time with us on the farm. I thought about a few things, one how i wish that one day her world, all children's world would be different, one that has no hungry children, no hate, no violence I wish that our generations would have changed the school curriculum in such a way that we would truly make their generation the peace makers of the world.

i grew up with parents telling me i can do what ever i want. be better everyday. my parents had such compassion for all people and all things and this has trickled down to elle in such a big way, her heart explodes with kindness. she is very strong too at nine she knows who she is.

I wanted to say so much, but it got emotional just seeing her face, having all the memories rush in and thinking of her life's path and how i wish i could protect her from everything, but for right now she is the one protected me, her aunty from a life without the joys of children, for in my heart she makes me feel a love  that i thought was never possible.

happy birthday dear elle.

* i could not choose the photographs, i have thousands. 

where am i:)

     

Oh dear, it must seem like i have abandoned my post here. Please know i think of you and what you might be up to. It has been very busy here, heavy too but also good. I am going to share some of it  if you do  not mind.

there was k surgery(not fun)

k  recovery is good, and i got to spend the whole week with him.

there was sam my brother's terrible cold and driving to his  loft to make him apple sauce from scratch just like our  grandma used to make him

there was my  week long cold, fever and all( i  never get sick)

there was some bad news 

there was some good news that  is making a dreams come true

there was hanging with sheila and baby rowen and roger too

there was a day spent with catherine in connecticut, shopping for seeds at Comstock & ferrel and visiting historical places

there was spending the day at a storage unit, and donating so many things

there was finding treasure i forgot and seeing antiques i have missed

there was k taking my breath away- he is hot!

there was people from the past saying nice things

there was saying good bye to tess and hello to jane

there is a friend who published her book( bravo)

there was friends who share peeks into there projects

there was chasing ducks

muddy dogs

there was  my mum gifts of gleena pottery

there is chapped hands and lips

healthy animals

messy house

lots of eggs

foggy drive

rain

prayer for japan

sunny days.

*back soon

pics from my day in ct. and my daily dirt road drive.

the past, the present and the future.

today, i just had to drive. i had to somehow through  my lens find some sort of balance, peace oxygen.

I was fortunate to have worked in Japan for a while. I remember calling my mum from a phone while walking around in Tokyo  asking her "was i born here" that is how much i felt at home there. I was told before i went, you will either hate it or love it. I LOVED IT. there is something so amazing about Japan  with it's huge population, surrounded by so many people you would think you would never feel like an individual but you do. the architecture is designed with the individual in mind, whether it is where you will rest your elbow as you sit on the metro or how you see a building from a highway or a highway from a Building- perfection. The people of Japan won my heart instantly, yet i knew that before i even landed there because i had been working with a Japanese company who co-workers had become my dearest friends. Japan is a very special place, whether it was my stay in the mountains or the city itself i felt good , healthy and happy there. If i can tell you one thing, i received the so many lovely gifts from my Japanese colleagues but the biggest gift of all was from My dearest Mr. Suzuki who was the ceo of the company who took me under his wing, at times of sheer panic he said to me, "take a deep breath, do not look at chaos in it's entirety but in the task at hand- see through the mess, tillyou see the problem clearely then only then you can fix it". ( he was talking about work related chaos but how it would relate to now) I am thinking of all those who i call friends, i am thinking of everyone.

It is as if k and my life at this very crisis was about to embark on one of our very own. as if a path we where on suddenly was washed away, a path we will never be able to walk down, yet we know that there is other kinds of paths that lead to the same place, now we await till the dust settles to see just what one is right for us.

i care for you dear friends, ran to the ocean to ask it why, why, why but it did what it always does, 

that is, allow me to answer those questions myself.

views of our weekend

the last few weekends there has been lots of driving to vermont and montreal. both times severe storms made for longer journeys. two weekends ago we visited a friends property in vermont, spectacular scenery, fresh snow made me want to call this place home.

saturday, we drove to stowe were we attended our annual winter festival, then i headed home to  montreal were i spent time with my family around great food. my drive home was difficult but i listened to the radio, stories, documentaries and such featured on npr but it was the violin i heard that had my heart floating above the mountains i could have driven forever through the memories that were rushing in. our drives have always been special, something about driving through the mountains of vermont  that reminds me of who i am and what is important, nature.

gone skating!

          i am sorry for not posting as much as i would liked too. The kids and i are heading to boston to meet k. for some ice skating on frog pond and dinner afterwards. wishing you all a lovely day.

it is very windy yet sunny here but that only makes the after skating hot chocolate even better!!