turns some sharp some smooth.

 hope you are doing well. the other day i met a friend and we went antiquing found a few things. i really do not need much in fact there is so much i do have that i hope to find homes for.

It has been a little crazy, life is taking some drastic turns, some are great, some i do wish were a little different. K and i are heading to vermont for maybe some snow shoeing and we will pick up elle and dylan from montreal and come right back. I am excited to have them back here at the farm.

i am sorry for not posting as much as i had hoped and things might be equally slow going this week, taking time to hang out with my niece and nephew and finish the book that was long over due.

see you soon.

found

have you ever driven by an abandoned home over and over curious about it. well i have and too many times i do not stop. yesterday k. and i decided to grab my camera and go. when i see an abandoned home or cabin i can not help to think what happened here? that this house stopped being cared for. this one in particular was so well built, i just do not understand the space in time were people are having dinner within it's walls, sitting by the fire -too racoons and squirrels finding shelter in it. i have been in love with chipped paint forever now,  for i find it tells such stories, windows have stories too, i love looking out from them to see what the people who lived here must have seen.  K. and i often day dream of one day fixing one up (okay i daydream), one that has completely been abandoned, one that most people would demolish in a heart beat. i think how great it would be to know you had a lifetime to  bring a place back to life.

* i included a picture of buddy in the soft snow yesterday morning

sanctuary

today the sun brought us a spring like day, the snow melting away creating streams on pavement.

the chickens & ducks taking leisure strolls into the pasture. windows opened and new breath is pumped in to home. rough days smoothed by buds discovered on trees, i suspect life will be opening up soon. i am

learning, taking it in. today is a whole day, thinking of tomorrow or yesterday takes that away. 

the sweet smell of dew

this morning i got into the car after the chores were done, headed to connecticut to meet my friend at logees greenhouse. arriving before my friend Catherine, as i opened the door i felt as i had felt for so many mornings of my younger days working in a greenhouse.  as i stood there i could feel the dew gently touch my face and the sweet smells from flowering trees, citrus and roses fill my lungs.

as i walked through with camera in hand, i knew that i would have to do this more often, something that could fill so many senses at once must be done more. as i studied the name of plants and answered a few questions from Catherine about certain species, i realized that i too wanted/needed to know more. You see for a long while i was an landscape designer, both interior and exteriors. I had won several accolades, taking the highest honours three years in a row an the New England Flowers show,  a few articles and high profile clients although wonderful, took me further away of what i enjoyed most, getting my hands dirty, learning the species and nursing the impossible species to something so beautiful.

so today as i went down the narrow aisles, imagining what my skin would look like if i still worked in such a place, thinking of all the things left to learn. discovering a new species of begonia and purchasing my favourite oxalis, i realized that although in so many times in life you must move forward and not look back, yet there is certain things you can take up just where you left off. i know i will probably be learning it for the rest of my life, and that suits me fine.

L' amour

Thank you for always making me feel loved.

a moment to breathe

i hope you are all doing good. while perusing blogs i came across these words on the lovely sofias blog.

they have been by anthem of sort especially this week when things, many things are happening.

it is truly beautiful

"For the sake of a single verse, one must see many cities, men, and things. One must know the animals, one must feel how the birds fly and know the gesture with which the little flowers open in the morning. One must be able to think back to roads in unknown regions, to unexpected meetings and to partings one had long seen coming; to days of childhood that are still unexplained, to parents whom one had to hurt when they brought one some joy and did not grasp it (it was a joy for someone else); to childhood illnesses that so strangely begin with such a number of profound and grave transformations, to days in rooms withdrawn and quiet and to mornings by the sea, to the sea itself, to seas, to nights of travel that rushed along on high and flew with all the stars—and it is not yet enough if one may think of all this. One must have memories of many nights of love, none of which was like the others, of the screams of women in labor, and of light, white, sleeping women in childbed, closing again. But one must also have been beside the dying, must have sat beside the dead in the room with the open window and the fitful noises. And still it is not enough to have memories. One must be able to forget them when they are many, and one must have the great patience to wait until they come again.

For it is not yet the memories themselves. Not till they have turned to blood within us, to glance, and gesture, nameless, and no longer to be distinguished from ourselves—not till then can it happen that in a most rare hour the first word of a verse arises in their midst and goes forth from them."

Rainer Maria Rilke, The Notebooks of Malte Laurids Brigge, 1910

have a great weekend,  know i have  love for you.

on a personal note, to my family in egypt,  thank you. to my mother

i love you very much- 

it feels as if today i have shared tears with my grandmother and grandfather who are above

tears of joy, profound joy.

when you inhale the good and exhale the bad

i have been distracted, i apologize dear friends. this morning i woke to the most beautiful fog, yet for the first time in a long while my head is not in such a place, fog that is..........

 i am sorry i paused while writing you just now, see i am at the cafe sitting by a window and my eyes came across a puddle, the rain plays with that puddle it is beautiful and simple.  the other morning i inhaled the worst kind of morning only to later exhale the best thing that is happened in a long while. ( i do not mean to be so secretive, but i am trying to be cautious) it got me thinking about you, yes you i wondered if you were scared of something or afraid to speak up or stand your ground. i wondered what you feared would happen. i am not going to write and tell you to go for it, because if you do the worst thing you suspect might just happen, yes it might.  what i will tell you is that even if it does what might surprise you is how you handle it after that, how you feel about doing it might be the best thing for you, because you just might think to yourself i am glad i am me and that i am not them and sometimes we need reminder of that very difference.

*first photograph is of all the brids that gather by my kitchen window, ( the duck coop) to feast.

room at the inn

i have just come back from running errands, roads are a mess. another storm is coming.

i am tucked in the house now, the sweet sound of violin plays from the radio. the smell of curry

perfumes the house as the soup cooks on the stove top. i am dreaming of a different kind of happiness, i have confused you with this line i am sure. i can not put a finger to it, or find the right words to tell you how much i wish for children. I am working at it, we are, oh that  might sound funny, does it? it as if i am preparing for two scenarios so different from one and another, one as mother and the other as the world traveller i used to know.

i think i shall take a few small trips in the next few months, where shall i go, do you have room at the inn for me.....